I’ve been meaning to make this post because I’ve realized a slight problem with oxymorons and contradictions. They all have relevance!

Weird social query:
“Why is it that if a guy sleeps around that he’s a stud but if a woman does the same she has negative connotations put upon her: I.e. a slut, hussy, whore”

Now understand that this post is going to get quite controversial, by outlining my thoughts on this particular matter. By itself, the query illuminates an old hypocrisy and questions gender identities, but the way I go about it, I may have a slightly more radical idea.

The double standard statement to me is bullshit for several reasons.

Men like to get laid and biologically, males are meant to make sexual contact with a number of different members of the opposite sex. Women on the other hand are biologically meant to seek out the best male to father their offspring and protect them, sleeping around doesn’t factor into the natural biology of the situation.

However, since you can’t boil all of human psychology right down to what the animals do, it does give a good reflection on the matter from another angle. This is especially as we are (apart from dolphins and some form of monkey) the only animal to have sex purely for enjoyment and fun. In my eyes, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex. There are many benefits for both our minds (keeping our endorphins at a good level) and our body.

What I think is the problem is sleeping with people for the wrong reasons. Often when a woman sleeps with a guy, she’ll later deem it a mistake. Usually a guy only deems the event a mistake if he caught something, got the girl pregnant, he was in a relationship and did not mean to cheat, he was really drunk and she literally was an elephant that turned into a stalker, or her vagina tasted really -really- bad. I mean gag reflex provokingly bad. So bad that you’d rather inhale paint thinner vapours than catch a whiff of that cooch.

Sorry.. Back to sounding smart..

The reason I think a lot of women call a sexual encounter a mistake is that they were either one of three things; unprepared for the events that would follow, were having sex for attention or were just absolutely fucked on something at the time. For the first thing, there’s not a lot a girl can do. Maybe think carefully on whether she wants to sleep with the guy and what she hopes to achieve. If you think its because you’re in a relationship, think carefully and if the situation is slightly murky and you are unsure even a little, don’t hesitate to ask. Though please don’t give us too an awkward conversation, we can‘t operate on that level,

In terms of having sex for attention, this applies to the type of girl I deem a slut. The noisy fat girl who makes a particular effort to emphasize her large but probably saggy bosom is a particular example. You know the girl that wears enough fake gold jewellery to make Mr T. proud. This is usually the chav ladette stereotype, but it can often be just girls with no class. Think of the girls who French kiss their fellow female friends in the middle of bars. Are they doing that because they particularly enjoy the act? No. They’re doing it because they like to be seen kissing other women, so men can think “Oooh she’s a bit kinky”. These girls aren’t going to have sex with you because they find you attractive, they find anything attractive. These girls aren’t going to have sex with you because they are wanting to have sex for fun. They are doing it for attention. Because they don’t get enough love somewhere in life, they feel they need to make it up by whoring themselves out for attention - guys, when you meet a girl that wants to jump your bones at a club, think of how drunk the girl is and maybe whether or not she would be doing the same when you are sober. Don’t just think “Oh shit, this is my chance to get laid! Quick, man the cannons!”, stop thinking with your penis because its been a while. I’ve made the mistake myself and really felt guilty at a later date. I mean it seemed like a good idea at the time because I was on something and the girl was well up for it, but I could have done without the awkwardness that came about afterwards. The last thing you want to be is a regret. A guy that sleeps around with a load of ugly, irritating women is never cool. It doesn’t make you a “playa”. Respect goes to those that can charm good looking women, give them a good time and have sex with them without becoming a regret. Not just random pieces of dirt who have no self esteem. We’ve all had our random pieces of dirt, but they don’t teach us anything, so guys, stop going for the girl who covers up her screaming insecurities by being a slag. Girls, if you feel unloved, talk to somebody. Give your mum a ring, get some counselling or something.

I’m not saying there’s any problem with getting absolutely metrically banjaxed drunk. Well of course, there are problems, but whether you are male or female you should be entitled to abusing whatever beverage or substance you like. It’s the context of why you are getting that messed up that matters. If you’re doing it for a good time, or because it fit’s the situation then that’s grand. On the other hand, if you are doing it to cover up massive insecurities within yourself, or are doing it to self-medicate I.e. drowning your sorrows, then be careful for Christ’s sake. Chances are the situation can only get worse whenever you finally beat that hangover. It’s the same thing for having sex with random guys. It’s not going to make you a better person or fix all your troubles in life just because you have that attention. I know in both men and women, alcohol can affect our judgement and lower our inhibitions, sometimes mistakes this way can’t be avoided, but if you see a recurring pattern, think carefully on whether you want to keep on making mistakes and formulate some way to rectify it. Sooner or later the mistakes will catch up with you.

I don’t see a problem in a woman sleeping around. As long as she is careful, subtle and selective. In Scandanavia 60% of the women have sex on the first date and whenever you go to Denmark or Sweden you realize that these women are not just beautiful but to a certain degree cultured and refined. Rarely do you see a woman in a club dressed outrageously “slutty”, or a woman that becomes a target for the sleazy, slimey pricks because they know their lack of looks and personality will not prevent them from getting into the girl. It all comes down to self esteem. The women there don’t feel pressured (or at least not as far as I’m aware) into sleeping with a guy but they know what they want. Most women if they sleep with a guy may develop some emotional attachment, but Scandanavian women seem higher evolved. They can have sex without emotional attachment and know when they can trust a guy and whether they want to have sex. Sex is a big part of their lives and they have no shame about it, but they don’t flaunt it around just because “sex sells”. They aren’t stuck in our Victorian tradition of sweeping things under the rug because they’re a taboo, or abusing something because they are a taboo. They have a well thought out social contract. This way they don’t end up with tons of unwanted children. By this, I’m not saying they’re baby crazy. In fact quite the opposite, their birth rate is quite low and they don’t have a high teenage pregnancy rate. What I’m saying is they practice safe sex and despite having more sexual partners on average than British and American women, are selective, thereby lowering the chance of sleeping with someone and being a regret. Nobody ends up being harmed, betrayed or abused.

So what have we learned?

Apart from liberalism is a fantastic thing, a number of lessons that apply to both men and women.

1) Try not to get off your face and sleep around all the time. Your mum was right, it’ll end in heartbreak eventually.

2) Be secure, dignified and comfortable in yourself. Don’t do things for attention.

3) Be selective. Chose your sexual partners because you find them attractive for all the right reasons

4) Be honest. Are you in a relationship? Act however you want to in a relationship, but don’t say one thing for the sake of getting your hole. Don’t make the member of the opposite sex think like you value them as a boyfriend/girlfriend.

5) Have fun, but well thought out fun. You’ll end up with a smile on your face that isn’t going to be turned up side down into a frown because of regret.

At the end of the day, there are no mistakes. In life, we are all social scientists conducting experiments on a trial and error basis. It’s all in the 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration way of living life. You’ll learn something new, from one mistake to how to make another mistake. Know yourself without judging yourself too harshly. To get really zen on you (I’ve started going to zen meditation classes), whenever you are afraid, it is okay to be afraid. Just how you deal with the being afraid bit is that matters. Don’t necessarily think you were a coward. Just realize that what you have to do comes from deep within.

So thus concludes my rant. In a way it makes me entirely unashamed to be going through a dry spell. I can live without having a moral regret myself, or being a regret for somebody else. Though I will always wish I managed to have even a kiss from one of the gorgeous Danes whenever I was over there. Another time maybe. God damn I think too much.

So after my first feel good rant, I think I'll discuss the merits of being in Copenhagen on an Erasmus scheme with ten other students from Lancs. After all, it beats the hell out of watching Beverly hills ninety thousand two hundred and ten as I try to beat this minor hangover (1). So, here's a bit of background to my current series of adventures..

Now, as most of you know I'm a second year history student at Lancaster, though I took a year out to be a bum.

By bum, I mean I "attempted" to do extra A-levels - chemistry and biology to be precise. I started off with good intentions, but a mixture of not trying quite hard enough, coming into class still tired from the night before and not quite having as scientifically minded brain as I once imagined, I crashed and burned. By Christmas, the one year A-level became an AS chemistry and I was still doing hideously at biology. That year wasn't all to waste though, I picked up a couple of social skills along the way by having the legendary Matt and Mike living in the street next to me, learned a number of things like the ancient art of drinking (I sucked severely at anything soldierly, could neither shoot, march or keep my uniform in good shape, whilst having to clutch onto my rifle as I did sentry duty in the middle of a cold, dark, Scottish forest at 3 am near sent me over the edge) by way of Queen's Officer's Training Corps. and developed a tactical mind by playing copious amounts of trading card games in my favorite comic shop. Regrets? A few. Some days I see it as a wasted year and other days I see it as perfect timing, after all it was undoubtedly one of the best years of my life.. Things only got better after that point

Straight to university and I would have had a completely different experience, probably picked a crap college and associated with a bunch of people that are simply inferior to the almighty House 28 Crew. The crew, (amongst a few others) were the gentlemen I was cohabiting with in the first two terms of this year, having met them last year, their on campus accommodation was opposite mine. The series of misadventures we have had are absolutely priceless. For sure I'll give a write up of a couple sometime, but I need to get back onto the subject at hand: Copenhagen.

To define Denmark in five words: Amazing, interesting, beautiful and well.. excruciatingly-expensive

Seriously, if I spend less than £20 a day, I feel proud. Maybe that's partly down to the fact I'm constantly out drinking and whilst a pint of the beer is about much tastier than it would be back home, it still will cost £4.50. Also, a meal out is probably double the price it would be back home. This is down to the fact that the service charge is included in the meal and minimum wage in Denmark is £8. That's right, -minimum wage-. Best of all, only places like McDonalds or Burger King pay as low as that. Give me a good job and the ability to seduce delicious Danish dames and I'd be set for life.

As for the city though, there is so much to do and it has a character of its own. Instead of the harsh concrete jungle surroundings of London or Glasgow, the houses and buildings are beautifully designed and put together. Its like you're back in the renaissance period without the stench of open sewers running through the streets. Its safe too. I know my way around Belfast alright and how to make it home with relatively little incident late at night, but I'm still going to be on edge if I'm trying to get home. In Copenhagen, I feel like the most dangerous person on the street half the time. Even if it weren't for the fact I'm tall and getting kind of stocky from my beer drinking habits, I'd still feel as safe as a house. Even the "bad" neighborhoods (a place called Norrebro used to have high levels of crime, it has the odd gang problem which rappers from here like to go on about, but its generally safe-as) are nothing in comparison to even the good areas of Manchester.

Getting around Copenhagen is also by and large a piece of piss (I'll qualify that statement in a moment) Despite having a population of 1.5 million, the place still feels kind of small. The canal and marina seems to run through most of the town so you always feel close to water. The transport system is pretty good, buses, trains and the metro system are consistent and tend to run on time. The only issue is that if you're out late, you might have to get take a night bus home, which runs about once an hour and has an excessively long route.

The people in Copenhagen are fantastic. Friendly, easy going and likable. They will go out of their way to help you, nine times out of ten. That and they speak brilliant English and often love an opportunity to practice and improve their multi-lingual skills - much like I want to improve my cunnylingual skills with their women, (though statements like this are why I probably never will..). Just make sure you don't look like you're trying to get them to sign up to some charity scheme because just like every other city, they'll probably walk straight past you.

So without further ado, here's a list of five things you should do whilst in Denmark

1) Visit some of the many interesting tourist attractions - though the Little Mermaid statue is hideously overrated, there are tons of great museums and art galleries I need to get round to going to, just so I can get a bit more cultural and sophisticated than my bag headed self. From the theme park Tivoli, to the ginormous screen of the Imperial cinema, there is a multitude of things to do. See some castles..

2) Drink Danish beers - By this I mean, sensibly. Beer is the quickest way of achieving "hygge", a Danish word that can be very loosely translated as comfort, cosiness, confidence and Carlsberg. I'll probably discuss the history and the ins and outs of the different beer brands in another post.

3) Listen to some live music. This can be done almost anywhere, there are tons of great jazz clubs scattered around the place and they can make a great way to spend a Saturday night whenever there aren't seedy old men staring with big sleazy eyes at the innocent females of your group of friends.

4) Eat around. The food here, whether you cook it yourself or buy it from a restaurant is expensive, but you pay for what you get. Last night we went to a Caribbean cafe and I ate like I hadn't anything in a month. On Sunday after taking a trip to Kronborg castle we had the biggest feed courtesy of one of our Danish friend's families. Its like the best thing I had eaten in about two months. And thats part due to "Rødgrød med fløde", which is this desert thing they have, kind of like a creamy strawberry and rhubarb puree. Danish people will always want you to say the words as they are notoriously difficult to pronounce by someone who isn't a native Danish speaker. As well as all of this, you'll soon find a love for the hot dog stands they have here, twice as good as going to Maccie Ds for some processed shite.

5) Exercise/Get around the city. A walk around or a cycle ride every now and then goes a long way. Especially since there are many things to see and many beautiful people to admire. If you go to a park on a good day, you'll find you're surrounded by good looking women and completely outclassed by the guys that live there

Here's five things you shouldn't do:

1) Sit around indoors all day. Yes, it goes without saying, but its about time I stopped doing it. On days that I don't have class, I'm often watching a multitude of DVDs provided by my awesome landlord and landlady. Instead of letting my body go slack and getting fat from beer and inactivity, I should be going to the gym, going for more of a walk and visiting museums. In a way I'm looking forward to going home so I can get a job and have some money to spend on muay thai classes and guitar lessons (either that or jazz trumpet, I'm determined to develop something)

2) Get wasted on an almost day-to-day basis. This began as soon as I got here and it hasn't really stopped. From Tuesday to Sunday of last week I was pretty much without any sort of solid sobriety. I got to the point where I had hair of the dog, then a whole lot more. Far from healthy, but very never the less enjoyable. The fact is, it can be incredibly easy to do, you can get 4.6% beers for about 35p. Bring the bottle back and you get 10p back. If you get a room in Christianshavn, like I did you can be right next to Christianna, a former hippy commune nicknamed "Little Amsterdam". I don't think I need to elaborate too much on this one, lets just say.. when you set it on fire, there are certain effects..

The other problem with getting messy is that it doesn't really help you pick up as many Danish women as you'd like. Whilst I can admit to feeling more confident from drinking a beer or two before I begin a conversation, the more beer you have the more crazy your eyes go and the more incomprehensible you sound.

3) Attempt to pick fights in Copenhagen. In a drunken temper, I gave a bit of abuse to the odd person. Told a goth that he had something wrong with his face "man, there's black stuff coming out of your eyes". Worst thing is, I have no problem with goths. A moment before, I yelled at the security guards for not allowing me upstairs in a burger king without buying something. There's a couple more, but lets just say picking fights is not funny (well it can be), clever or cool.

4) Make friends with a bunch of Danish bag heads. This is kind of a repeat of options two and three, you'll end up drinking and smoking far more than you ever have in your life. Think you have a high tolerance to chemicals in your body? Think again. You cannot compete with the Danes in this respect. I'll probably go through them another time, but the best way to describe them is good company, bad influence. Last time I saw them, they were trying to encourage me to go to a Brondby F.C. game and potentially start a fight with the F.C. Copenhagen supporters, luckily I had to go to a castle and haven't ended up in a string of riots or police issues

5) Try to beat the Danish transport system. This goes on two counts. The first one is trying to temporarily steal a bike. its not that I wanted to keep the bikes, its just that I didn't want to walk or take the bus home. I planned on cycling it home the next day and the fact was, like so many nights.. I was drunk. Most of the bike wheels were locked anyway and in the end I managed to find a city rent a bike that actually worked, so I was only guilty of one crime that night - drunk in charge of a bicycle.

The other count is on not paying for bus, train and metro fares, by flashing my out of date pass as if it were an L.A.P.D. badge and not giving them a chance to check the date on it. I'm going to have to renew my pass sooner, rather than later. Its a hefty fine for being a bag head.


Well, thus concludes another happy and exciting blog. Leave a comment and hear something new. Oh, a shout out to the very attention seeking Danny Hilton who ought to be thanked for showing me how to make the good bolognaise, I mentioned in the last entry :P.

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