Scars of Mirrodin Pre-Release (A Fuck off non-Magic player Entry)

God damn I love pre-releases. There's something so nice about coming to a completely un-tested format. It's like opening a brand new computer game at the exact same time as your friends and having a race to figure out how to play it first. In fact, it's just like playing a whole new game. When I rocked up to Serenity games on Saturday I could feel everyone was thinking the same thing. The infrequent players who might have travelled from as far as Portadown just to play Magic were excited to play new cards whilst those who regularly atteneded the shop were eager to get to grips with something other than the slightly wearisome bomb heavy M11 limited.

I got into the shop at just the right time too. Whilst registration was due to close at 12, there's only so much space the shop can hold and with me walking in, it had hit max capacity. Niall Graham, the legendary shop manager had to drop out of the event just to fit me in. I have to say I really appreciated this.

Having only glimpsed at a few of the spoilers, I was looking forward to a few surprises, hopefully landing a few bombs along the way. Thankfully, my boosters were far from disappointing.

First booster: Elspeth Tirel
Second booster: Sunblast Angel
Me: Well I think I'm playing white then!

As for the second colour, a Hoard-Smelter Dragon made the decision for me. With a Myr Battlesphere and a Ratchet Bomb to add to the mix, this five rare packing deck was a monstrosity beyond words. A trained monkey could have taken this deck to top 8. Thankfully I like to think of myself just a tad better than a damn dirty ape.

Anyway, without further ado, here's the deck list:

9x Plains
8x Mountain

1x Iron Myr
1x Auriok Edgewright
2x Vulshok Replica
2x Blade-Tribe Berserkers
1x Glimmerpoint Stag
1x Razor Hippogriff
1x Darksteel Sentinel
1x Sunblast Angel
1x Hoardsmelter Dragon
1x Myr Battlesphere

3x Revoke Existence
1x Dispense Justice

2x Turn to Slag

1x Arrest


1x Elspeth Tirel

1x Contagion Clasp
1x Ratchet Bomb
1x Trigon of Rage

Whilst it may appear a bit slow, sealed is generally supposed to be a little show. Especially with this format. I had enough seven removal cards that dealt with either creatures or artifacts (some did both) whilst both the Ratchet Bomb and the Sunblast Angel punished opponents for over extending. On my sideboard I had another Trigon of Rage in the unlikely event my opponent was artifact or enchantment light enough to make a third Revoke Existence seem like overkill. Also I had a few mediocre equipment pieces and two Sunspear Shikaris if I was getting overrun by a weenie rush deck. Thankfully I never had to resort to this option because of said Ratchet Bomb and the trade forcing Vulshok Replica.

Match 1: Daniel
Youngling Daniel said he hadn't played in two years and to be frank, it showed. Whilst his deck wasn't too bad, he the wrong block on multiple occasions, regardless of what my mana situation or what else was on the table. I overrun him quickly in game one with my early drop creatures outclassing his. When he let a Double striking Auriok Edgewright through with my Trigon of Rage open in game 2, he declared "Oh snap!" as I did him exactly lethal.

Match 2: Greg McCausland
It goes without saying Greg is a better player than me. Except that is whenever he's drank his way through a bottle of Black Bush the night prior. Whilst he beat me in a tight game one, game two he drew dead with mana myrs popping up late game. In the early game this meant wasting a Contagion Clasp on one, whilst utilizing Glimmerpoint Stag's come into play ability to pop another. Towards the end of the game, I was wasting five mana removal spells on Myrs just because I could. In game three whilst I thought I was going to be put in a pretty nasty position due to Moltentail Masticore, blasting my critters to shreds and getting some swings in. However Greg would be kicking himself for tapping out on his sixth turn and failing to play around the Sunblast Angel which he knew I had. With no regeneration mana open, the Masticore would be saying hello to the KO pile. Since there are very few answers to a 5 toughness creature in the format, the Angel pretty much ended the game by itself.

Match 3: Chris Dodds
Chris didn't have a perfect pool, but he couldn't complain too much. His Green Black deck focused on piling on the poison counters and fast. With bombs such as Contagion Engine and Nim Deathmantle, he did quite a good job of that in game one. I'd offered him an ID prior to game one which he declined, feeling that it was much too early to risk not getting the needed four wins and a draw to top 8. In a heated second game, I returned a Vulshok Beserker to my hand using Razor Hippogriff's come into play ability, this was despite the fact that Doddsy had the black spell bomb with the mana open. He had forgotten to use it, I had forgotten he had it, thankfully this mistake on both sides paid off in my favour and I was able to recast it to finish him off after some swings with the Hippogriff and a Hoard Smelter Dragon. This was particularly close as he had me on eight poison counters and had shrunk the dragon down to a 2/2 with -1/-1 counters. He felt that he was going to win the game uhad I activated the dragon's ability targetting the contagion engine rather than spend my mana on recast the Vulshok that I shouldn't have had. However, I pointed out that he would not have been able to double proliferate the following turn if I had used the ability, meaning that he would still have to get rid of the Hippogriff that was coming right for him. Between the end of this game and the start of the third, then man with the expression filled face re-offered me the ID. I declined and went on to win Game 3, taking a gamble with a 5 land opening hand on the draw. Even holding the Sunblast Angel in my hand at the end of the game. I have to say though Chris impressed me somewhere in this match by proliferating the counters on my Ratchet Bomb to ensure it was out of range from destroying any of his permanents.



Match 4: Steve Tombs
Steve is a pretty casual player and as a result doesn't get enough play time in to ensure he's free from making bad mistakes. Despite this, I've been beaten by him before, he seems to have a similar ability to myself opening the best sealed pools possible. If he was sitting on three wins after three matches, I knew there was something up. When I heard he had Sunblast Angel and Elspeth Tirel, I told him I would ID with him if we were going 1-1 by the end of two games. This is something that might have even be a little bit risk for me as I suffered a loss in the first game, generally due to mana screw. He walked into a 3 for 1 with my Ratchet Bomb going off in game two and what I like to call "Predator Golem" (Darksteel Sentinel - Come on, look at the artwork.. it's a giant Steel Predator, it even has dreads), I was forcing Steve to scream "Get to the choppa!" in a bloody mess before I Myr Battlesphered him out of the game.



Game 3 was as I predicted. It came down to whoever drew Elspeth first won. Thankfully for Steve we had ID-d as I overrun him quickly with soldier tokens.

Match 4: Some Portugese guy
This guy had come down from Portadown and whilst he's not the worst player ever, he failed to realize that Carnifex Demon is a limited bomb and wasn't playing him in a deck that could have. His deck seemed to be one full of Green Fat and some other jank but it just couldn't compete with my own, in both games I was left with a mountain of cards still in my hand unplahttp://www.blogger.com/post-create.g?blogID=6367786yed. Nice.

Match 6: Conor McVarnock
With four wins and an ID, I was automatically through for top 8. Here I could have lost and still got through but I ID out of courtesy and we play through the match anyway. I went 2-1, getting beaten by a poison counter beatdown, winning one game off the back of Elspeth and the third being a pretty close one that saw us both use our Myr Battlespheres, me killing him with the direct damage that the ability on the attack provides.


Top 8
With no problems making top 8, my abilities as a player begin to get tested. I draft a relatively mediocre U/W deck that's bomb free unless you can count Legendary Cat Cleric Kemba, Kha Regent. I don't because well.. she's crap unless you get an equipment n her and since Darksteel Axe just doesn't come around that often, you're left putting thing like the poor man's lightning greaves or Barbed Battlegear (which is good but quite expensive and shrinks the toughness. Glinthawk Warden, Razor Hippogriff and Ghalma's Warden were my MVPs.

Match 1: Daniel
Well Daniel San had somehow been scooped into top 8 by players that might have had grievances about beating a pre-adolescent. Thankfully I'm a cold heartless bastard and only took a slight pang of guilt as I beat him into the ground for a second time. He did win the first game as I failed to play around a Sunblast Angel, which I then destroyed only to be put in dire stress by the 4/4 mythic angel which gave all his guys shroud. Game 2 and 3, I played as if he had Sunblast Angel in his hand at all times - stalling out, building board position and trying to draw cards wherever possible off Trigon of Thought.

Match 2: Greg
Second rematch of the day. First game I beat Greg down pretty quickly because he's mana screwed for a particular colour (I think he lacks the swamps to make it a fair game), meanwhile I'm beating with a metalcraft affected 2/4 and everything is getting hastened up by said poor man's Lightning Greaves. Game 2 is an epicly long one, where I make a bit of a mistake. Instead of recurring a Necropede with the Hippogriff, I chose to bring back the white spellbomb, intent on drawing some other gas. If I had chosen the Necropede I could have dealt with the 2/1 unblockable blue guy a lot sooner. If Greg had let the attack go through continuously then I think the poison would have got to him. Either way, I did have a dispense justice that I kept holding back, thinking that any time Greg would attack with his 2 Sky-Eel Schools which I would have had no answer to deal with, other than block and trade with one using the Hippogriff and get crushed by the other. Greg however is a very patient player and puts me into the range of the drain life spell. It was quite a close one however. At one point, Greg Volition Reignsed the Hippogriff only for me to play Glimmerpoint Stag to put it back into my control and recurr the white spell bomb again. I also have to Remove from Existence his Contagion Engine before he wrecks my board. At another point, Greg is put into a position where he has to draw two removal spells to get rid of Scrapdiver Serpent.

Amusingly, halfway through this game I rang work to let them know I would be an hour and a half late as I was "helping my mum with something important". Well helping my mum I wasn't, but I felt it was much more important to play magic than to collect glasses in a pub.

In the third game, I get pounded into the dirt with style. Greg has a better board position going into turn six and seals my fate with the Contagion Engine. To work.

Pre-release 2
So, I went to work between the hours of 9.30 PM and 2 Am, then I went out drinking to a friend's gaff, guzzling beer, vodka and jaagermeister until 7 am. Not to mention I took more than a few drags on a certain kind of cigarette. Again my deck was bonkers. This time I played R/B and had Carnifex Demon, Hoard-Smelter Dragon, Nim's Deathmantle, Myr Propogator and the R/B dual land. On top of this I had 3x Shatters, Darksteel Axe and 2x Plague Stingers. This deck "ripped it hardcore like pornoflick bitches". Unfortuantely, whilst my memories of Saturday's pre-release are quite murky, I remember even less of Sunday's due to the four hours sleep I had the night prior and the liver abuse I dished out on Saturday night.

Match 1: DJ Carson
I'm pretty sure I wrecked DJ in the first game by 3-for-1-ing him with Carnifex Demon's infest ability. Game 2, he was in a much better position than I was but his poison counter count was pretty high and swung with a Plague Stinger. In response to the attack, DJ popped the blue spell bomb to give a 4/2 Golem flight. Unfortunately I had top decked a shatter and I apologized for being such a jammy son of a gun and salvaging victory from the jaws of defeat.

Match 2: Matt Tweedy
I'm pretty sure it was Matt I play in this match. I think I win the first game by dishing out poison counters ridiculously fast - Plague Stinger turn 2, followed by Painsmith and Darksteel Axe on turn 3. Better lucky than good. Game 2 ends up being one of those games where half the field seems to disappear due to removal and trades. Matt ends up in what seems like a particularly strong position with a creature equipped to Argentum Armour. Unfortunately whilst he is able to attack with it once, I flash in Darksteel Sentinel as a blocker and Matt has decided to target my R/B dual land rather than a seemingly irrelevant Contagion Clasp. On the turn following, I swing back and put him from 7 to 4 then play Bleak Coven Vampires in the post combat mainphase, the Contagion Clasp, not seeming so irrelevant now ensures that Metalcraft is online and the life suck finishes him.

Match 3: Simon Carmichael
Simon is always a pleasure to play, whether you win, lose or draw. After a good battle destroy him with Hoard-Smelter Dragon and using its ability multiple times targetting my own Darksteel Axe to give it +4 attack. If it weren't for my excessive mana though, Simon had me dead the following turn. I'm largely mana screwed for Game 2, whilst Simon hits a great draw and I'm forced to mulligan down to 5 in Game 3, sealing my fate.

Match 4: Dean Convery
I can't remember this one other than the fact I won. I think it was probably the Darksteel Axe that did it in one game, whilst Nim's Deathmantle that did it in another. Mmm good equipment.

Match 5: Steve Madden
We ID as we both have made top 8 and I can't remember what happens after that. I think we play two games and I win them both, with the back of Nim's Deathmantle, the other by generating umpteen Myr Propogator tokens.

Top 8
Another mediocre draft deck, I try to go for a blue heavy, red light artifact deck that has a few metal craft guys along with a load of bounce and big toughness guys.

Game 1: Drew Carmichael
I know Drew held a big grudge for me for a while because I was an ass in a draft game a few months ago and did a big takeback. I tell him I owe him a big takeback, pretty much suggesting he can have one big dirty cheat. He tells me not to worry about it as it hasn't bothered him and truth be told, he doesn't need it. Despite rare drafting, his R/G deck savages me. I almost win Game one with mediocre artifact creatures and holding off the 4/4 phoenix by bouncing it but Drew plays Cerebral Eruption and hopes for the luck shot. If I reveal a land or any card with cost less than 3, I have the game. Unfortunately I reveal Scrapdiver Serpent, a 7 mana creature whilst I'm on 7. I lose the game due to an incredible spell of bad luck, but don't mind, I kind of felt Simon's Brother deserved to win this one in spectacular fashion as my come uppance for being an ass. What I did mind was how stupid I was in the second game. I was put on 8 poison counters by an Untamed Might targetting his 2/2 infect artifact creature but managed to stabilize by building board position with artifact creatures and the Manic Vandal Ox. I even Bonds of Quicksilvered the Corpse Cur. Unfortunately, I walked into Tel-Jilad Fallen twice. Once by attacking into it with artifact creatures and secondly by tapping out, when I should have held the ox back, thinking I could tap it with the Tumble Magnet.

AWFUL AWFUL PLAY!!!!

Now don't get me wrong, had this been M11 draft and his creature have been a Black Knight and the Tumble Magnet been a Blinding Mage I would not have made the same mistake, I just didn't play the original Mirrodin to even take into account what Protection from Artifacts actually entailed. Terrible excuse for a random act of stupidity I know but I'd been playing pretty much perfectly up until this point all day, despite being hammered before I went to bed.

What annoyed me even more though was that Drew wouldn't give me a third game. For that I will hold a grudge for as I deem it to be cowardly and unsportsmanlike.

I forget to bring my pre-release pile of cards with me and head off to the pub to join Trent, Chris and Kerr bear who are mid session due to the Empire selling pints of Coors for £2 during the football match. With Sunday being Trent's last night, it's only fair that we give him a good send off. After the Empire we head to the Pavillion to watch Niall's band, "Sweet Taste" rock everyone's socks off. This is probably the best band in Belfast as all four band members are extremely talented, produce catchy but great tunes that don't faff about with some guitar fret fappage like some supposed technical mastery that you'd hear from some teenage metal group.

Even with my two highly notable mistakes, I really enjoyed the whole weekend.

Trent, I hope you realize how much you will be missed and I hope you don't mind that we got you absolutely steamboats by making you drink the most evil looking concoctions ever to be poured into shot glasses. Haha, USA! USA! USA! I think we all might owe Niall a pint for getting you to the airport the next day, or maybe we shouldn't as it could have been part of the plan to get Trent to get on the plane!

Now this should be my last FONMP section for a while, my regular fans will be screaming out for some stories of comedy, drinking and schmoozing.

- Big Nasty

FONMP - GP Gothenburg, PT Amsterdam

So if you read the last post, you'll know I had a bit of a messy ten days in mainland Europe. Good times, bad times, I had them all. I didn't go into depth about my latest scrub outs though which a lot of you Magic players might want to read about. Kind of an extended why I suck at Magic. I dropped a hundred DCI points in one month.

Day One, GP

Opening the sealed pool at the start of the day was the most disheartening thing. Inferno Titan, 3x Chandra's Outrages, 1x Sun Titan and considerable red and white cards to back the big guys up. Sadly, I was going to have to pass all of this to someone else. Someone who didn't utilize all this goodness to the full effect.

The pool that I was passed wasn't all that bad though. I build a U/G/b deck with two Mind Controls, Garruk Wildspeaker, Garruk's Packleader, Cultivate, Doom Blade, Assasinate and a few other pieces of fat. I can't really complain except for the fact it's a little slow. There's only two two drops and at the three slot there's a couple of cloud elementals and an aether adept. Whilst this is often not an issue in many sealed matches, it meant in a couple I took a harsh early beating.

Starting the day with three byes meant that I was going to have a lot of time on my hands. With most GPs there is a considerable amount of time doing nothing, waiting in between rounds for the next one to start. When you start a day with three byes, you're pretty much doubling the waiting time. Thankfully though it was annonced over the intercom that there would be a drafting happy hour - half price draft, 75SWK (about £7) for a draft, not bad. I build a fairly good U/W rush deck with two scroll thieves, stormfront pegasi and a couple of inspired charges. Win the first two rounds pretty quickly but draw dead in the third round, getting beaten down with a turn four conundrum sphynx both games. I was happy enough coming second, if I could go a ratio of two wins for every loss during the day, I'd make day two.

First match: Sami Valkamaa
So what beats double mind control.dec? Double acidic slime. This guy was running a vicious G/B build that was able to recurr the two acidic slimes he was running. In the match this just wrecked me. I got two-for-one-d all over the show. Not so good. We played a couple of games after and I was able to win, making me a question a few of my plays during the games. At one point in time, I was on 8 life and chose to block his Acidic Slime with my Azure Drake. Never a great trade but one I thought I was going to have to make to stabilize a particularly bad one whenever he is able to Nature's Spiral the Slime back to his hand. Knocking out one of my few sources of black mana. Doom Blade and Assasinate were virtually dead draws.

Second Match: Peter Floderus
At the begining of this match, my deck seemed to be 39 cards. Rather than risk getting DQed, I brought this to a judge's attention and got rewarded with a game loss for tardiness. As it turned out, two of the cards were stuck together. Stupid crap sleeves. If my deck list was ever checked I was bound to get a gameloss anyway for failing to write down that I had a Doom Blade in the deck. I go on to win game one against his aggressive U/R deck that looks to pair Goblin Tunneler with Fiery Hellhound. On top of that Chandra's Spitfires, Triskillion, Prodigal Pyromancers meant he was inflicting a lot of damage quickly. I was able to win the first game by dropping a mainboard harbour serpent and putting the island walk creature to its full potential. I lose the second getting beat down by a whispersilked fiery hellhound, during this game I make a major play mistake - mind controlling a prodigal pyromancer. 5 mana doom blade. Great. We play the third game that would have been and I lose anyway. Dead draw vs solid draw. Ah well. The guy goes on to beat Saito and makes day two.

Third Match: David Stenberg
I can't remember the exact nature of this match except that I won it, finally playing OK for a change. I apologize for knocking out of contention and he wishes me the best of luck for the rest of the tournament.


Fourth match: Fredrik Anesten
This guy was a nice guy but he was a little bit rusty, being a year out of the game he opts to play G/R as he thought it'd be easier to play. His deck isn't too bad being quite aggressive and good enough to give him three wins. He can't deal with the two mind controls and my deck just seems to wreck him. I look at his pool and see that he has bonkers U/W cards, advising him his deck could have taken him a lot further. We play a few games with the proposed deck and he beats me. Not bad.

Fifth match: Jan H. Ruess
I get a text from DJ telling me that I better have won this match or he'll kick my ass. The reason why? Ruess is a Dutch pro and it would have been a great victory. Unfortunately Ruess is packing double Blinding Mage, multiple Assassinates and a Royal Assassin. My flaws of my deck building appear - if I had put in two Yavimaya Wurms rather than two Harbour Serpents I could have won this. I drop a Harbour Serpent and whispersilk cloak it, if I can draw an island, he's on a clock. Unfortunately for me, Jan scrys into Solemn Offering using his Crystal Ball. At this point there's nothing I can do to take it. At this point I'm on slight tilt, I keep a slow hand and get punished for it. A turn one Elite Vanguard gets in for twelve damage and he gets his blinding mage royal assassin combo once again. My day two dreams are over but I decide to play the last match anyway for rating, experience and prizes.

Final Match: Paul Hodgson
Paul is an English guy that I have a laugh with as soon as I start playing. His deck is the nuts though, despite the fact he's playing the colours of mana screw (W/B), he wrecks me with Baneslayer Angel, with Visera Seer tech to make my mind controls useless. Double Mind Rot is harsh too. No prizes for me.

Paul and I go drinking in a mediocre bar and here is where I decide to play the PTQ the next day.

PTQ
My sealed pool does the exact same thing as it did for the GP. Double titan. This time though it's Frost Titan and Grave Titan with the blue/black stuff to back it up. I end up having to pass it and get back an intreguing pool. I build U/W/B. It's not the best deck ever, I'm running six two drops - 2x Ajani's Pridemate, 2x Augury Owl, 2x White Knight. I try to get further value from the Pridemates by running Tireless Missionaries and Ajani's Mantra. Whilst this is pretty good in the odd match, it's kind of a case of one mediocre card plus one mediocre card = two mediocre cards. I raise questions about the way I've built this deck later on. There's a Chandra Nalaar and a Magma Phoenix in my red cards with some mediocre stuff to back it up.

Match one: Robert J. van Medevoort
This is a solid Dutch player, he's build a good G/W aggro deck and nails me with a Baneslayer Angel. Ah well, I'll take the loss and win out from there, I hope. Later on in the week I see Robert playing in the Pro Tour. I don't mind getting beat by a pro.

Match two: Laertis Vaso
Ok, I probably shouldn't say this but there's something I don't like about this Italian guy. It doesn't help the fact that he beats me by a narrow margin. I have him on two life and he top decks mind control to steal my Vengeful Archon. I even clone the Archon but he packs the removal to deal with it. Crap. Game two I play like a dick. With a Serra Angel out, I decide not to Clone it, with the intention of saving it for the Vengeful Archon I have in hand. During one attack I'm pretty sure he's had a Diminish in hand for about four turns yet I push the Angel forward anyway and he 2 for 1s himself by blocking with an Augury Owl. Worth it, I'd say. If I'd cloned the Angel I'm sure I would have won this game and he packs two mana leaks to wreck my day, the second one shutting down my chance of a Vengeful Archon win.

I win Match three and four but I can't remember for the life of me how I did. I can't remember who I played or what they played. I'd say the euphoria from actually winning a few games wrecked my short term memory.

Match five: Santi Pettersson
I really shouldn't have lost this one but due to bad plays I do. After taking a vicious pounding from an Awakener Druid'd forest and some other green/red/white aggro cards, I manage to stabilize with a Vengeful Archon and Ajani's Mantra. After some nice combat trades and this guy failing to read Archon properly I'm in a decent position. If I'd cloned the archon, then attacked I would have won without doubt. Unfortunately he Condems the Archon. I scoop without playing the game out, half by accident, half because I'm on tilt. I get beat down Game two as well, probably due to my own damn mistakes.

Match six: Jake Guld
No chance of making top 8, I'm playing to get some prizes. Jake is an American fellow with a very odd U/R deck odd because he uses Reverberate in an odd way, copying his own Ingenuity. Triskillion + Chandra's Spitfire wreck me in one game, I have no idea how he wins in the other.

Match seven: Jan Von Ortloff
The guy gets mana screwed both games. I don't. 'Nuff said.

Match eight: Oliver Biessmann
This is a really well fought match and the guy holds me off for several turns in the second game by bluffing me into thinking he's got removal in his hand when the one card turns out to be a White Knight. This U/W match up contains a lot of Aerial Battles but is settled quite firmly by my Air Servant.

Match nine: Pontus Johansson
This is a very odd match. I wreck him with Vengeant Archon in game one and he returns the favour with Overwhelming Stampede game two. Judges get called on our third game several times, as he naturalizes my Ajani's Mantra during my upkeep and questions why I still get to gain life, failing to understand the begining of up keep trigger. Then the way clone works was called into question, I go to clone my serra angel and he doom blades it, I clone greater basilisk instead. I should have cast clone and declared the target on resolution but I didn't because I'm a dick. He thinks the clone should have fizzled. The judges learn. We also have a question about number of cards drawn so judges have to piece it together. I'm pretty sure I was still right and hadn't drawn for one turn but manage to win anyway. By the time the judge thing is settled, Pontus and I aren't too happy, it took them far too long to make their decisions and didn't act in a very professional manner. No real point complaining.

With a record of 5-4 I scrape into prizes and pick up three boosters. After almost twelve hours work it's kind of stupid but I established my "warrior's spirit". Rather than bitching and moaning, feeling sorry for myself like I did at national's qualifiers, I force myself to learn from every experience and keep on playing even if the payout is small.

I play an unsanctioned "chicken draft" with my Swedish friend, a kooky old English guy and six Serbian guys. The Serbian guys are great fun and I end up drafting the nuts. Red/white with Gladiator Cyclops, Brittle Effigy, Chandra Nalaar, Vengeful Archon. The commons/uncommons were great too, Assault Griffins, Infantry Veterans, Elite Vanguard, mmm aggressive.

I play a Generic GPT in Amsterdam and scrub, popping and passing another ridiculous sealed pool. With an aggressive R/W deck I play like an absolute hero in Match One, get beat by a fast and good U/W deck and something else. I got a bye then I got beat by a girl. I had her on two life but she top decks Inferno Titan, wrecks my board and prevents me from ever winning. Game two I side in celestial purge to take out the Inferno Titan. She follows up the Inferno Titan with a Sun Titan. That's just.. great. That was it for my big tournaments in Europe. I didn't want to pop a sealed pool for quite some time. I didn't want to get beat by the sealed pool that I should have been allowed to play ever again.

So I play one last draft on the Sunday and take my small victories. Drafting U/B, I somehow manage to rare draft two dual lands and a Primeval Titan, instantly making my money back. My slightly creature shy but still fairly impressive deck makes it to second place.

Overall I was happy enough playing the game over the ten days. I'm not happy with my performance but I think I was a little drained on the day of the GP by lack of sleep and a slight nervousness. I'll be back though and I'll drag my rating up whether it has to go up kicking and screaming.

A "Magic" Adventure - Legal Disclaimer: This is a fictional account of what happened. I never broke any law.

As some of you may know I just spent the last ten days in mainland Europe. I originally intended to spend much of my time playing Magic the Gathering but there were more than a few distractions in the end. This post is going to chronicle some of the finer elements of my journey and is in no way a "Fuck off non-magic player" section, that will come at later date.


Over the last few weeks I've had very few days off boozing like an alcoholic. It would appear that I'm not very good at going for "just one drink". "Just a couple" often ends up turning into a binge. Two Thursdays ago I decided to catch up with a friend for a couple of drinks before she went off to 2manyDJs, then I went to play some cards, intending to get some practice in. Then I went to catch up with a few more friends for a few more drinks, then a few more friends for a few more drinks then another friend for another few drinks. Basically it ended up like a one man pub crawl but knowing that I'd have buddies at each venue. It was no surprise then that I spent much of Friday with a hangover. Now hangovers as I'm sure you may be aware don't help too much when one has to do some flying. Especially if you have the breed of hangover that I have - one of those ones that start out fine then develop into a metric ball ache of badness. It meant I could sleep awkwardly on the plane between Belfast and London, then sit in a gelatinous like state in Stanstead before graduating on to the London to Gothenburg plane. The problem with that hangover was that I was carrying something on me that I really shouldn't have.

During the queue for security in Belfast city airport, I discovered a tiny bag of grass in my inside jean pocket. Just enough for a joint, nothing that I haven't been able to get through international airport security before and I figured, it was too late to turn out of the queue without looking deeply suspicious. I put all my belongings in the box, dumped my bag on the scanner belt and walked through the detector. *BEEP*

It's cool. I cracked a joke about swallowing a large lump of metal when I was a kid to the middle aged security guard. He laughed and explained that it was a random stop and search but my Transformers T-shirt was very cool and that he is a big fan of the movies. I agreed with this and put my arms out for the pat down. Nothing found. With one airport down, I figured the other two would be grand. Stanstead largely was. The last time that I had been through it my former friend set off a minor alert by forgetting that his "oregano" grinder was still in his luggage. It was only when I got to Gothenburg that it became a problem. The first thing that I saw soon when I got past the passport check was a sniffer dog Labrador. That was one smart looking labrador too, waiting for me with it's healthy golden fur and its bored looking trainers. I panic slightly, with the hangover in full swing, I'm just a tad paranoid. Nah fuck that, I'm sweating like a bitch in heat. I dive into the queue for the toilets which happen to be one cubicle unisex units, which is a long wait and a long time to look on edge and shifty right in front of the labradors and the Custom Agents. I finally get into the toilet, whip my dick out and start pissing, meanwhile unravelling the crap in my pocket to get the weed out and put it in the sanitary towel dispensary bin. Except I completely failed to do this, instead I dropped the weed in the toilet whilst I'm mid flow and have to reach in to swipe the baggie from the piss chamber before I can dispose of it. I washed my hands with a little extra soap and left to leave the airport.

"Excuse me sir, can you come with us?"

Hearing those words almost made me shit a brick. Nay, a high rise Singapore appartment complex. Where they allowed to put security cameras in toilets? I know it was an airport and all but surely we should be allowed some privacy.

I take a long drawn out but silent inhale through my nostrils to keep my composure and agree to the custom agent's demand. I'm asked about my reason for being in Sweden and they search my bag to verify whether or not I'm telling the truth. The cards confirm my reasons so they ask me for my passport. I check a few pockets and my mind begins to boggle. I'm now searching my entire inventory just for my passport. I run back into the toilet and grab it off the hand dryer.

"It was a good thing we stopped you sir, wasn't it?"

I nod and agree with a beaming smile and they let me go on my way.

I leave the airport, narrowly missing the bus into city centre. After that narrow escape I'm a little unphased, produce my book and wait for the next one.

"I think you have missed the last bus. Where are you going?"

I look up and it's the same two female custom agents that stopped me.

"City centre."

"Oh, that's where we are going, we can give you a lift into town"

I smile and hurry over to the car. They put the dog in the boot and I hop into the back seat. Minus one joint = plus one free taxi ride. Small fucking victories my friend.

When I get into town I have a little bit of difficulty navigating the way to my friend's house. Adam, who I've got to say is a fairly brave individual for putting up a random magic player who he'd only ever spoke to a couple of times on the phone after playing him at Magic over the internet gives me a perfectly good set of directions and I end up going the wrong direction. Eventually I rectify this issue and get there just in time to watch some channelfireball, play some proxied vintage magic (this is where the cards in the deck are worth hundreds, if not thousands of dollars so you print off copies of the cards and stick the picture to already existing, not as expensive cards), drink some Lipton ice tea and go to sleep. We head to the venue and have a long day of magic to get through.

Long story cut short with Magic (I'll explain what I got up to in a later post for the die hard followers of my Magic articles), I end up scrubbing out but making a few friends in the process. I gain a Serbian fan club over the two days and end up going drinking with a new found English friend. This generally just meant about four pints in a rather crap Gothenburg bar. I'm not really sure what proper Gothenburg night life is like but this place was a mediocre bar in terms of venue, speed of service and music played. On top of that we were supposed to pay 40 Swedish kroner (about £3.50) to get in but the guy at the door didn't have the change for a 50 kroner note so let me in anyway. I knock it on the head early as I don't really want to keep on spending money in a venue with a ratio of about 8 guys to 1 girl. Honestly we were both positive the place wasn't a Gay bar even with it's dumb name: Charlie's Anglars. So I knock it on the head and go to bed early so I can get up and play magic the next day. Sunday night I'm treated to a traditional Swedish meal by Adam's father of succulent roast pork and a vegetable mix that seems to comprise of carrot and turnip.

At this point in time, I'm reluctant to head home. Whilst I had a flight booked to return home on Monday, I wouldn't actually get home until about eight o'clock in the evening. Why bother flying back to Belfast only to have to fly out to Amsterdam on Thursday. It wasn't like I had anything important to do on Tuesday or Wednesday. I sit until about three o'clock in the morning on Adam's computer researching the alternatives to going home whilst leaving him in his room to sex talk his girlfriend over the phone in both Swedish and Spanish. After trying in vain to find alternatives to going home that don’t cost £140 I hit the hay. Despite setting an alarm, I do one of those half asleep “wake up and acknowledge I have to get up for something but chose to sleep in anyway” moments. When I’m finally up for real it’s 09:30 AM and I have half an hour to get from Adam’s house to the airport before check in closes. The hell I’m risking £30 for a taxi that might not even make it on time.

Adam and I book my next flight. Copenhagen to Amsterdam. We head into town and grab some sushi before I take the train from Sweden to Denmark and Adam heads to college.

The train between Goteborg and Copenhagen takes about four hours but it has to be done on a sunny day. Whilst admittedly I missed hours of sunshine on that journey and ended up getting into Denmark when it was pissing with rain, I got to see the beautiful Swedish countryside as it was coated in rays of gold.

When I got there, I got to catch up with Daniel, Josephine and Martin, smoke a joint and head off to make dinner. I spent the next two days with Martin, Jackob and Sigurd schmoking and drinking, getting my liver prepared for what was to be a tame by comparison Amsterdam.

This was genuinely an awesome experience, Freetown Christiania is the hippy commune I’ve spoke about in previous blogs that is as phenomenal the umpteenth time you visit it as it is the first time you visit it. Danish pilsner is as great as ever.

After a quick flight that I spent trying to chat up some average looking Dutch girl beside me whilst being fucked off my face on beer and weed, I rocked into Amsterdam, grabbed a slice of pizza and took the train into city centre. This bit all went pretty smoothly. I bought some blueberry in some average looking coffee shop, hit a bong then traversed the streets to the Italian restaurant where the Magic players resided. We topped up our beer levels then head off to see a sex show. This is one of those things that you know in your heart you will only ever do once.

I mean it’s 30 euros for two crap drinks and a chance to watch grown men go up on stage and eat banana’s out of a fat girl’s flange. Except it’s hilarious when its your friends that are those eating the banana out of that girl’s flange. Better still is whenever your mate has his shirt off and he’s lying on the stage with the girl writing ‘Bad boy’ using a pen protruding from her flaps. That is something that you have to see to believe.

Arguably the best thing about that sex show was that it gave me the opportunity for the most perfect one-liner. Right in the “live sex” portion of the show, the woman lay on her back with her legs around his head so he could have tongue to twat reach. Queue UFC reference

“And she catches him with a triangle choke hold! IT IS AAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLL OVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR!”

After this we walked home, drinking tuborg and smoking joints along the way.

Thursday was largely spent being hung over, chomping on the breakfast buffet and having a nap. What followed was a spot of magic and a trip into town, drinking in a few bars. These were generally pretty sweet, I had a good eye for ones we could just chill out and grab a few pints of Bavaria. We even hit up a shisha bar with the fittest Scottish barmaid I’ve seen in quite some time. Whilst this was all cool and all, we kind of hit a little bit of a hurdle: most of the bars seemed to close at 1 and without knowledge of where the night clubs are, it’s quite easy to get distracted and put off partying for another night. You kind of end up just going back and guzzling the remainder of the beers purchased from the local supermarket. That’s kind of what happened for the remainder of our trip, we spent a lot of time getting pie-eyed in hotel rooms and seeing some bars. If not it was getting absolutely wankered at our hostel’s happy hour. 2 for 1 on pints of lager whilst we’re playing the best drunken foosball or mental magic we’ve ever engaged in.

A couple of the other guys had just that idea, taking a free tour of the zottay brewery, an 8% beer that tasted like it was about four. Not much to my liking, it kind of had a musty taste to it and when you’re filled with a hangover and ribs, you’re not going to be able to handle much in the way of musty beer.

We also went on the “Heiniken experience”, which wasn’t actually a tour of the brewery but a mueseum of Heiniken/a building of advertisement for the company. Whilst the people working here were pretty cool, I’d recommend hoofing a big bong before you even step foot in this building as fifteen Euros will only get you two free pints of Heiniken and that’s provided you answer the questions of the fit bar maids correctly. Hint: the head on Heiniken is designed to stop oxygen from getting and CO2 from getting out.

After the Heiniken trip, we had one little Sweedish problem. Outside the hostel, four of us were playing a card game called "9 Card Brag", basically a quick and easy to gamble on card game, that doesn't require any major skill. About half way through the game, a Swedish guy came and asked us about what we were playing. He seemed friendly enough but then he started into a rant about a Swedish card game that we should have been playing.

"Yes, it is called nigger and president"

Now I'd find this awkward at the best of times but there was a crowd of African students gathered by the picnic tables around us. Niall quite rightly suggested he didn't use that word and the guy dropped it. About three minutes later, he brings it up again.

"Yes, card game Nigger and President"

"Dude.."

"Yes, I know but I did not give the name to the game, it is a very popular game in Sweden, it is funny because the nigger can be the president at the same time.."

At this point we froze him out of our conversation. I'm inclined to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and say that the guy wasn't racist but I wasn't prepared to deal with his stupidity. You don't loudly say a word that is discriminatory around the group it is likely to offend.



My tolerance to stupidity can be pretty low.

To soothe the munchies, I would recommend all you can eat ribs for twelve euro, where you can get a plate “ribbed for your pleasure”. I can’t remember the name of the place in town that did this deal but it was an Argentinan restraunt. The service could have been a little better but I wasn’t going to kick up too much of a fuss when I was stuffing myself with their ribs. Pretty good I have to say.

Sunday though was the God of all days. After playing Magic semi-successfully I joined the other eleven Northern Irish magic players for the best activity known to man: boating on Amsterdam canals. For three hours we bombed around on motor boats barbequing, drinking beer and smoking thick pre-rolled joints. I think even the people in Amsterdam were slightly confused to see us gnashing huge chunks of chicken clean off the bone that was fresh cooked on foil instant barbeques. There were some hilarious moments on that boating expedition too. Take for instance the “Zattay drop” a competition where contestants have to set a bottle of zattay perfectly upright on an Amsterdam houseboat for maximum points or trying to schmooze attractive women who were in boats along side us. The boat rental guys didn’t look too happy with us when we returned the boats with a live and smoking barbeque still going.

Sadly whilst we were all finally in the mood for going out and sleazing on some Dutch girls, the old “no where is open past 1” conundrum really applies on a Sunday. We made up for the problem by chomping our way through some seriously good kebabs and I collapsed in my half assed made hostel bed covered in beer sweat.

I want to thank everyone who made this trip what it was, in particular, Adam for letting me stay in his beautiful family home, Martin for letting me stay in his gaff. Dog and Gar get a shout out for organizing the boat trip.



Ratings (out of 5)
Swedish hospitality: *****
Danish Hospitality: *****
Scrubbing out at magic: *** (At least I learned a few things and made a few friends)
Christiania: ****
Heiniken Experience: **
Eating ribs: ***
Beer: *****
Renting boats: ***********************************************************
Some idiot outside a hostel: