If you've all read the last post, I posted it on a web forum sparking a minor debate. If you'd like to read it, it'll open up the argument and address the controversy of the situation:
http://bbs.zoklet.net/showthread.php?t=11290
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
I’ve been meaning to make this post because I’ve realized a slight problem with oxymorons and contradictions. They all have relevance!
Weird social query:
“Why is it that if a guy sleeps around that he’s a stud but if a woman does the same she has negative connotations put upon her: I.e. a slut, hussy, whore”
Now understand that this post is going to get quite controversial, by outlining my thoughts on this particular matter. By itself, the query illuminates an old hypocrisy and questions gender identities, but the way I go about it, I may have a slightly more radical idea.
The double standard statement to me is bullshit for several reasons.
Men like to get laid and biologically, males are meant to make sexual contact with a number of different members of the opposite sex. Women on the other hand are biologically meant to seek out the best male to father their offspring and protect them, sleeping around doesn’t factor into the natural biology of the situation.
However, since you can’t boil all of human psychology right down to what the animals do, it does give a good reflection on the matter from another angle. This is especially as we are (apart from dolphins and some form of monkey) the only animal to have sex purely for enjoyment and fun. In my eyes, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex. There are many benefits for both our minds (keeping our endorphins at a good level) and our body.
What I think is the problem is sleeping with people for the wrong reasons. Often when a woman sleeps with a guy, she’ll later deem it a mistake. Usually a guy only deems the event a mistake if he caught something, got the girl pregnant, he was in a relationship and did not mean to cheat, he was really drunk and she literally was an elephant that turned into a stalker, or her vagina tasted really -really- bad. I mean gag reflex provokingly bad. So bad that you’d rather inhale paint thinner vapours than catch a whiff of that cooch.
Sorry.. Back to sounding smart..
The reason I think a lot of women call a sexual encounter a mistake is that they were either one of three things; unprepared for the events that would follow, were having sex for attention or were just absolutely fucked on something at the time. For the first thing, there’s not a lot a girl can do. Maybe think carefully on whether she wants to sleep with the guy and what she hopes to achieve. If you think its because you’re in a relationship, think carefully and if the situation is slightly murky and you are unsure even a little, don’t hesitate to ask. Though please don’t give us too an awkward conversation, we can‘t operate on that level,
In terms of having sex for attention, this applies to the type of girl I deem a slut. The noisy fat girl who makes a particular effort to emphasize her large but probably saggy bosom is a particular example. You know the girl that wears enough fake gold jewellery to make Mr T. proud. This is usually the chav ladette stereotype, but it can often be just girls with no class. Think of the girls who French kiss their fellow female friends in the middle of bars. Are they doing that because they particularly enjoy the act? No. They’re doing it because they like to be seen kissing other women, so men can think “Oooh she’s a bit kinky”. These girls aren’t going to have sex with you because they find you attractive, they find anything attractive. These girls aren’t going to have sex with you because they are wanting to have sex for fun. They are doing it for attention. Because they don’t get enough love somewhere in life, they feel they need to make it up by whoring themselves out for attention - guys, when you meet a girl that wants to jump your bones at a club, think of how drunk the girl is and maybe whether or not she would be doing the same when you are sober. Don’t just think “Oh shit, this is my chance to get laid! Quick, man the cannons!”, stop thinking with your penis because its been a while. I’ve made the mistake myself and really felt guilty at a later date. I mean it seemed like a good idea at the time because I was on something and the girl was well up for it, but I could have done without the awkwardness that came about afterwards. The last thing you want to be is a regret. A guy that sleeps around with a load of ugly, irritating women is never cool. It doesn’t make you a “playa”. Respect goes to those that can charm good looking women, give them a good time and have sex with them without becoming a regret. Not just random pieces of dirt who have no self esteem. We’ve all had our random pieces of dirt, but they don’t teach us anything, so guys, stop going for the girl who covers up her screaming insecurities by being a slag. Girls, if you feel unloved, talk to somebody. Give your mum a ring, get some counselling or something.
I’m not saying there’s any problem with getting absolutely metrically banjaxed drunk. Well of course, there are problems, but whether you are male or female you should be entitled to abusing whatever beverage or substance you like. It’s the context of why you are getting that messed up that matters. If you’re doing it for a good time, or because it fit’s the situation then that’s grand. On the other hand, if you are doing it to cover up massive insecurities within yourself, or are doing it to self-medicate I.e. drowning your sorrows, then be careful for Christ’s sake. Chances are the situation can only get worse whenever you finally beat that hangover. It’s the same thing for having sex with random guys. It’s not going to make you a better person or fix all your troubles in life just because you have that attention. I know in both men and women, alcohol can affect our judgement and lower our inhibitions, sometimes mistakes this way can’t be avoided, but if you see a recurring pattern, think carefully on whether you want to keep on making mistakes and formulate some way to rectify it. Sooner or later the mistakes will catch up with you.
I don’t see a problem in a woman sleeping around. As long as she is careful, subtle and selective. In Scandanavia 60% of the women have sex on the first date and whenever you go to Denmark or Sweden you realize that these women are not just beautiful but to a certain degree cultured and refined. Rarely do you see a woman in a club dressed outrageously “slutty”, or a woman that becomes a target for the sleazy, slimey pricks because they know their lack of looks and personality will not prevent them from getting into the girl. It all comes down to self esteem. The women there don’t feel pressured (or at least not as far as I’m aware) into sleeping with a guy but they know what they want. Most women if they sleep with a guy may develop some emotional attachment, but Scandanavian women seem higher evolved. They can have sex without emotional attachment and know when they can trust a guy and whether they want to have sex. Sex is a big part of their lives and they have no shame about it, but they don’t flaunt it around just because “sex sells”. They aren’t stuck in our Victorian tradition of sweeping things under the rug because they’re a taboo, or abusing something because they are a taboo. They have a well thought out social contract. This way they don’t end up with tons of unwanted children. By this, I’m not saying they’re baby crazy. In fact quite the opposite, their birth rate is quite low and they don’t have a high teenage pregnancy rate. What I’m saying is they practice safe sex and despite having more sexual partners on average than British and American women, are selective, thereby lowering the chance of sleeping with someone and being a regret. Nobody ends up being harmed, betrayed or abused.
So what have we learned?
Apart from liberalism is a fantastic thing, a number of lessons that apply to both men and women.
1) Try not to get off your face and sleep around all the time. Your mum was right, it’ll end in heartbreak eventually.
2) Be secure, dignified and comfortable in yourself. Don’t do things for attention.
3) Be selective. Chose your sexual partners because you find them attractive for all the right reasons
4) Be honest. Are you in a relationship? Act however you want to in a relationship, but don’t say one thing for the sake of getting your hole. Don’t make the member of the opposite sex think like you value them as a boyfriend/girlfriend.
5) Have fun, but well thought out fun. You’ll end up with a smile on your face that isn’t going to be turned up side down into a frown because of regret.
At the end of the day, there are no mistakes. In life, we are all social scientists conducting experiments on a trial and error basis. It’s all in the 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration way of living life. You’ll learn something new, from one mistake to how to make another mistake. Know yourself without judging yourself too harshly. To get really zen on you (I’ve started going to zen meditation classes), whenever you are afraid, it is okay to be afraid. Just how you deal with the being afraid bit is that matters. Don’t necessarily think you were a coward. Just realize that what you have to do comes from deep within.
So thus concludes my rant. In a way it makes me entirely unashamed to be going through a dry spell. I can live without having a moral regret myself, or being a regret for somebody else. Though I will always wish I managed to have even a kiss from one of the gorgeous Danes whenever I was over there. Another time maybe. God damn I think too much.
Weird social query:
“Why is it that if a guy sleeps around that he’s a stud but if a woman does the same she has negative connotations put upon her: I.e. a slut, hussy, whore”
Now understand that this post is going to get quite controversial, by outlining my thoughts on this particular matter. By itself, the query illuminates an old hypocrisy and questions gender identities, but the way I go about it, I may have a slightly more radical idea.
The double standard statement to me is bullshit for several reasons.
Men like to get laid and biologically, males are meant to make sexual contact with a number of different members of the opposite sex. Women on the other hand are biologically meant to seek out the best male to father their offspring and protect them, sleeping around doesn’t factor into the natural biology of the situation.
However, since you can’t boil all of human psychology right down to what the animals do, it does give a good reflection on the matter from another angle. This is especially as we are (apart from dolphins and some form of monkey) the only animal to have sex purely for enjoyment and fun. In my eyes, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having sex. There are many benefits for both our minds (keeping our endorphins at a good level) and our body.
What I think is the problem is sleeping with people for the wrong reasons. Often when a woman sleeps with a guy, she’ll later deem it a mistake. Usually a guy only deems the event a mistake if he caught something, got the girl pregnant, he was in a relationship and did not mean to cheat, he was really drunk and she literally was an elephant that turned into a stalker, or her vagina tasted really -really- bad. I mean gag reflex provokingly bad. So bad that you’d rather inhale paint thinner vapours than catch a whiff of that cooch.
Sorry.. Back to sounding smart..
The reason I think a lot of women call a sexual encounter a mistake is that they were either one of three things; unprepared for the events that would follow, were having sex for attention or were just absolutely fucked on something at the time. For the first thing, there’s not a lot a girl can do. Maybe think carefully on whether she wants to sleep with the guy and what she hopes to achieve. If you think its because you’re in a relationship, think carefully and if the situation is slightly murky and you are unsure even a little, don’t hesitate to ask. Though please don’t give us too an awkward conversation, we can‘t operate on that level,
In terms of having sex for attention, this applies to the type of girl I deem a slut. The noisy fat girl who makes a particular effort to emphasize her large but probably saggy bosom is a particular example. You know the girl that wears enough fake gold jewellery to make Mr T. proud. This is usually the chav ladette stereotype, but it can often be just girls with no class. Think of the girls who French kiss their fellow female friends in the middle of bars. Are they doing that because they particularly enjoy the act? No. They’re doing it because they like to be seen kissing other women, so men can think “Oooh she’s a bit kinky”. These girls aren’t going to have sex with you because they find you attractive, they find anything attractive. These girls aren’t going to have sex with you because they are wanting to have sex for fun. They are doing it for attention. Because they don’t get enough love somewhere in life, they feel they need to make it up by whoring themselves out for attention - guys, when you meet a girl that wants to jump your bones at a club, think of how drunk the girl is and maybe whether or not she would be doing the same when you are sober. Don’t just think “Oh shit, this is my chance to get laid! Quick, man the cannons!”, stop thinking with your penis because its been a while. I’ve made the mistake myself and really felt guilty at a later date. I mean it seemed like a good idea at the time because I was on something and the girl was well up for it, but I could have done without the awkwardness that came about afterwards. The last thing you want to be is a regret. A guy that sleeps around with a load of ugly, irritating women is never cool. It doesn’t make you a “playa”. Respect goes to those that can charm good looking women, give them a good time and have sex with them without becoming a regret. Not just random pieces of dirt who have no self esteem. We’ve all had our random pieces of dirt, but they don’t teach us anything, so guys, stop going for the girl who covers up her screaming insecurities by being a slag. Girls, if you feel unloved, talk to somebody. Give your mum a ring, get some counselling or something.
I’m not saying there’s any problem with getting absolutely metrically banjaxed drunk. Well of course, there are problems, but whether you are male or female you should be entitled to abusing whatever beverage or substance you like. It’s the context of why you are getting that messed up that matters. If you’re doing it for a good time, or because it fit’s the situation then that’s grand. On the other hand, if you are doing it to cover up massive insecurities within yourself, or are doing it to self-medicate I.e. drowning your sorrows, then be careful for Christ’s sake. Chances are the situation can only get worse whenever you finally beat that hangover. It’s the same thing for having sex with random guys. It’s not going to make you a better person or fix all your troubles in life just because you have that attention. I know in both men and women, alcohol can affect our judgement and lower our inhibitions, sometimes mistakes this way can’t be avoided, but if you see a recurring pattern, think carefully on whether you want to keep on making mistakes and formulate some way to rectify it. Sooner or later the mistakes will catch up with you.
I don’t see a problem in a woman sleeping around. As long as she is careful, subtle and selective. In Scandanavia 60% of the women have sex on the first date and whenever you go to Denmark or Sweden you realize that these women are not just beautiful but to a certain degree cultured and refined. Rarely do you see a woman in a club dressed outrageously “slutty”, or a woman that becomes a target for the sleazy, slimey pricks because they know their lack of looks and personality will not prevent them from getting into the girl. It all comes down to self esteem. The women there don’t feel pressured (or at least not as far as I’m aware) into sleeping with a guy but they know what they want. Most women if they sleep with a guy may develop some emotional attachment, but Scandanavian women seem higher evolved. They can have sex without emotional attachment and know when they can trust a guy and whether they want to have sex. Sex is a big part of their lives and they have no shame about it, but they don’t flaunt it around just because “sex sells”. They aren’t stuck in our Victorian tradition of sweeping things under the rug because they’re a taboo, or abusing something because they are a taboo. They have a well thought out social contract. This way they don’t end up with tons of unwanted children. By this, I’m not saying they’re baby crazy. In fact quite the opposite, their birth rate is quite low and they don’t have a high teenage pregnancy rate. What I’m saying is they practice safe sex and despite having more sexual partners on average than British and American women, are selective, thereby lowering the chance of sleeping with someone and being a regret. Nobody ends up being harmed, betrayed or abused.
So what have we learned?
Apart from liberalism is a fantastic thing, a number of lessons that apply to both men and women.
1) Try not to get off your face and sleep around all the time. Your mum was right, it’ll end in heartbreak eventually.
2) Be secure, dignified and comfortable in yourself. Don’t do things for attention.
3) Be selective. Chose your sexual partners because you find them attractive for all the right reasons
4) Be honest. Are you in a relationship? Act however you want to in a relationship, but don’t say one thing for the sake of getting your hole. Don’t make the member of the opposite sex think like you value them as a boyfriend/girlfriend.
5) Have fun, but well thought out fun. You’ll end up with a smile on your face that isn’t going to be turned up side down into a frown because of regret.
At the end of the day, there are no mistakes. In life, we are all social scientists conducting experiments on a trial and error basis. It’s all in the 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration way of living life. You’ll learn something new, from one mistake to how to make another mistake. Know yourself without judging yourself too harshly. To get really zen on you (I’ve started going to zen meditation classes), whenever you are afraid, it is okay to be afraid. Just how you deal with the being afraid bit is that matters. Don’t necessarily think you were a coward. Just realize that what you have to do comes from deep within.
So thus concludes my rant. In a way it makes me entirely unashamed to be going through a dry spell. I can live without having a moral regret myself, or being a regret for somebody else. Though I will always wish I managed to have even a kiss from one of the gorgeous Danes whenever I was over there. Another time maybe. God damn I think too much.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to inform you that I am absolutely disgusted by your service. Today I rang up to leave the service and the call lasted no less than thirty minutes. I was told the same offers over and over again and after consideration decided I had made the right move to leave 3. I repeated this to the "customer service agent" who was little more than a salesman, trying to bore me and "I am only trying to help you sir by finding the best deal." This, as you know is a complete crock of shit. His only job was to make sure that I did not leave the service and I am unsure as to whether he removed me from the contract. I told him countless times to remove me and in the end I had to hang up as I was running late. When I informed him of this he kept saying "Just one minute sir" and I repeatedly reminded him I didn't have a minute. I was put on hold several times and forced to endure the same songs over and over again. I have heard How does it feel, Amy Winehouse's Valerie enough times that I am sick and tired of them. Thank you for ruining reasonably well crafted pieces of music from the last three decades, I hope you are proud of yourself. By the way, if I am not removed from the service I will be proceeding with legal action. Good day to you.
Yours sincerely,
Conor Charlton
I am writing to inform you that I am absolutely disgusted by your service. Today I rang up to leave the service and the call lasted no less than thirty minutes. I was told the same offers over and over again and after consideration decided I had made the right move to leave 3. I repeated this to the "customer service agent" who was little more than a salesman, trying to bore me and "I am only trying to help you sir by finding the best deal." This, as you know is a complete crock of shit. His only job was to make sure that I did not leave the service and I am unsure as to whether he removed me from the contract. I told him countless times to remove me and in the end I had to hang up as I was running late. When I informed him of this he kept saying "Just one minute sir" and I repeatedly reminded him I didn't have a minute. I was put on hold several times and forced to endure the same songs over and over again. I have heard How does it feel, Amy Winehouse's Valerie enough times that I am sick and tired of them. Thank you for ruining reasonably well crafted pieces of music from the last three decades, I hope you are proud of yourself. By the way, if I am not removed from the service I will be proceeding with legal action. Good day to you.
Yours sincerely,
Conor Charlton