That Time I Got Arreseted in Spain
The years was 2011. A young Conor decided to leave Belfast after a year of handling a death in the family. He moved to Barcelona, the city of sun and fun and lived his life by the motto of "let's get fucked up and make bad decisions." And bad decisions he made, all the time. One particular bad decision was when he decided to book the weekend off work to go see a friend who was living and working in Mallorca. This wasn't the bad decision - the bad decision was when he decided to go to a bar where a girl he felt big things for was working. The two had been dating, but she had been playing him like a fool. Regardless, he got silly drunk that night, going from her to pub to another pub, to a friend's flat and then finally the walk to Plaza Catalunya where he could get the bus to the airport. Half way up la rambla, he couldn't continue walking for fear of passing out, so he took a cab to plaza catalunya and fell asleep, he found himself way off off Catalunya - the taxi driver had taken him for a ride. He paid the man and got out then realized it was too late to get the bus, he had to get another taxi. So he did. Which cost him another fortune.
He got to the airport, got through security, then couldn't find his way to the gate on time. Just a few minutes after final call he pulled up, but it was too late. He couldn't get on, so he decided to have a sleep on the seats. Security eventually found him and told him he couldn't stay there, but they seemed to suggest he could get a free ticket to Mallorca after all. They dragged him around the airport and passed him around a series of security guards who seemed to be just toying with him at this point, one even riding on her segway to the desk of the plane company. The advisor informed him that no, he'd need to pay for a new ticket. One that he couldn't afford. Tired, still drunk/hungover and ready to pass out, Conor took himself outside the airport terminal and sat down on the pavement to call his friend and tell him what had happened. Then a voice in Spanish told him to move. He turned and looked to what he thought was a security guard and not at all happy told him "fuck off. Puta de madre"
He got up and walked away, but the man followed him and grabbed him by the wrist. "Passporte? Nombre?" the man asked. Conor tried to apologize saying "No pasa nada, lo siento, lo siento." It wasn't enough though, as Conor tried to move away three more men appeared The secuirty guard was not a rentacop after all, but an actual cop. Conor got dragged into a small brightly lit office and was told to sit down. He sat down but what followed was a giant *whack* to the head. Realizing what had happened he put his hands up to cover his head as the second slap came across, this one glancing across his forearm.
"In this country, no fuck off! No puta de madre to police officers!" the cop bellowed
"In my country, you slap me around the head, you lose your job" Conor responded snarkily.
What followed was a conversation which consisted of the cops with varying degrees of English language proficiency insisting on seeing his passport and asking where he lived. Conor demanded to have a translator or a lawyer and refused to sign until he had those, feeling that the documents given to him to sign could have said anything, or landed some hefty fines in his lap. In the end, the cops relented and just told him that if he signed, he'd be let go. Conor spat back, looking at the one who had slapped him.
"I'll sign it when he agrees to fight me. Can be boxing, judo, MMA, whatever" he said, nodding to the man.
"That's not going to happen."
"Why not?"
"He's not a fighter"
"He's a fucking pussy" Conor said udner his breath before signing the document and checking if he could go. He could and did.
What then followed was his attempt to walk the eleven miles in 30+ degree heat back to the city centre. Something which he failed at and slept in the shade of a bridge for a few hours before going back to the airport to take a bus back to the city centre. He never did make it to Mallorca and hasn't even attempted it since. Still though, that's why how and why he got arrested in Spain.
