Back when I started this blog during my school days, I used to have a habit of posting a 'website of the day', along with a 'song of the day'. Back then I was an even bigger nerd than I am now, coming home at four o’clock for an avid session of button bashing on the Nintendo Gamecube and a post-school shank over Sabrina the Teenage Witch or even a Countdown wank. I can attest that anyone who hasn’t had masturbated over the number crunching minx that is Carol Vorderman simply hasn’t lived. The beautiful veteran mathematician certainly gave me something to look forward to on a cold winter’s afternoon. Since this is a standard entry to the blog and not a special edition where I theorize ways to improve the world or write letters to evil corporations sponsoring acts of terrorism such as ringing you every three minutes demanding you sign up to their broadband, I shall make with the goods:

Website of the day: www.cracked.com
This website is a humorous bunch of articles about all sorts of things. It particularly has the best lists of things you’ve ever seen. Channel 4 might have thought it cornered the market with shows such as 'Top 50 Annoying Songs' or 'Top 10 Air Guitar Classics' but in comparison to Cracked’s 5 Things You Think Will Make You Happy But Won’t, they don’t have shit. Some of these are amusing, some are damn near close to life changing..

Song of the Day: 'Bust-a-move' - Infected Mushroom
This is song lasts about eight minutes, but builds up subtly, crescendo-ing into a masterpiece. I was blaring this at full volume from my room back home and my Mum came in and said 'Who is this?' At this point, I thought she was going to give me an old person's 'It's awful', I told her who it was and she said 'I should get some of this, it's very good'. Apparently she could detect the musicality of it. Amazing.

Game of the Moment: Displaying my nerdiness in all its colours, I give you 'Mafia Wars'
Yes, this is a pointless text based game on face book, but it gives me something to do on top of checking my narcissistic social networking websites and spam-filled e-mail accounts whenever I wake up and before I go to bed. If it isn’t your cup of tea, then try face book poker. I was bent on making top five out of my friend in number of chips, but unfortunately I got a bit reckless with my betting, chasing non-existant flushes and banking on low pairs, ended up with almost nothing to my name. I often become rude and impulsive playing, insulting other players with lowest common denominator insults. My play habits became wild and immature. If anyone’s feeling really frisky with their nerdiness though I recommend playing a pen and paper based roleplaying game. To pass a dreary Monday afternoon four of us picked up our strange shaped dice and began rolling our way through the streets of Mos Eisely in a Star Wars based game. Even one friend who was convinced he wouldn’t enjoy it loved every second of it as we added a mix of humour, intelligence and problem solving into the fold. And people wonder why I don’t have a girlfriend..

Readers do beware: The following will contain a few rants about my life, they are written in hope that you can relate to them, or understand where I am coming from. I do ponder if I ever become whiney, self-absorbed. Those that know me should make no heisitation to remind me when I do this. My writing style can only ever grow better from good critique.

So I want to know what the ideal way to spend an Easter holiday is. This time last year, I was in the mythical town of Copenhagen. The ten days I had been home involved scaring my mum silly (she was for ringing hospitals miles away from where I live) after not returning from a hardcore drugs rave until six in the evening, dating a really good looking blonde girl who I’d met on said drugs rave and schooling my Belfast friends at getting high (we went through a period of competing at who could smoke the most weed, like that‘s not childish!). This holiday is rather dreary in comparison.

I left Lancaster in order to seek employment and managed to score a couple of shifts here and there doing temp jobs, washing pots and chopping sticks of brocolli. Ideally I’d have a few more shifts, but I suppose it’s just a symptom of this economic climate. Work isn’t steady for anyone in this recession era, just like everyone else we hear about the disruption caused by layoffs and the discontent brought in by the whole thing. Of course, the usual outlets of work are closed to me if I am to use honesty and confess that I am a student with aims to return to University once my holiday is over. On top of this, I don’t really want to get a fatigue inducing 9-5 job which will only cause stress and an enforced rigidness during the time I’m home. I’d rather spend the time talking of nonsense with my mum, attempting to study and just enjoying the nice weather. On top of that, I should be utilizing my time to understand the interwar economy of Britain for part of my course. Doing so might actually explain the aforementioned economic crisis of today. Instead I’m getting drunk on Friday nights and dancing round the streets at 2 am by myself listening to psytrance blaring on my iPod and going to the park the following day to savour the fresh air and the passable levels of sunshine.

It is a strange life that I’m leading at the minute, but I think it’s a sign of how Belfast has gone. Drinking in clubs seem to exist only from the hours of 11-1. By 2 all clubs are shut. Those that stay open either do so illegally, are expensive or are so far out of the way that they are irrelevant for my needs. When I have been in clubs they just haven’t been the same either. Girls just don’t seem interested any more. Have I grown less charming or more ugly since the last time I was home. I’d like to think not. What I feel has happened is that girls have grown more snooty, more close minded just like the rest of the UK.

As this becomes the case, the interesting exciting girls tend to stand out from the crowd. This has its pros and cons, whenever I meet an easy going, open minded girl, I two things:

A) 'This girl is awesome, great craic and fun to be around. I’m enjoying myself'

B) Then comes the confidence sapping - 'She’s lots of other guys interested, is she interested in me or just being herself. Is she flirting with me deliberately or just being friendly, or worse still is she being attention seeking?'

In part to some of those reasons, Belfast to a certain degree has lost its charm to me. Don’t get me wrong, I still love my home, friends and family. I can quite happily return to a good meal and good conversation with the elders. I mean, I might even go to church next week so I can enjoy the community of happy Christians. Perhaps part of me does so in the knowledge I am keeping the ‘rents happy, or that I love the sound of my own voice when singing (its true), or even a chance to imagine fornicating with one of the beautiful girls in another row. But if the Abrahamic God is real, maybe he can just take comfort in that I am there and I’m sort of making time for Jesus whilst waiting to go back to Zen meditation classes.

However due to the repressive drinking hours and lack of available, attractive women, on top of limited access to magical plants, I’m a little disenchanted with what I have here. I know I should be constructive with the lack of debauchery by attempting to learn a musical instrument, write more, study more and do some exercise but as I mentioned before what I should be doing and what I end up doing are often very different. I’m a born procrastinator and to justify my lack of doing things, I’ll say I’m a thinker not a do-er. With so much disposable entertainment at our fingertips, its sometimes quite difficult to motivate ourselves to do things. Such is one of the curses of modern society..

Despite failing to get all this done though, I cracked it on the pudding front and I should tell you about is a very special recipe that I invented when I was… sober.

Conor’s Hunger Ender

For this you will need:

Utensils: One bowl, one desert spoon
Ingredients: One banana, two hobnobs, 1 tbsp honey and some double cream

Method: Chop banana, mash up the hobnobs, drizzle honey and cream over. Mash to desired texture.

Enjoy. Next week, I’ll spit out some film reviews and a guide to mental disorders.

P.S., I might have to start a blog ring for the Lancaster crew. If you hadn’t done so already, check out:
Jewface’s www.jewbao.blogspot.com

And

KB’s http://kb-log-acollectionofcerebralfaeces.blogspot.com/?zx=272e9c8357e7a3b