Clash of the Titans

A brief(ish) note on my moving reviewing system
At the minute when I review films they are only movies in the cinema. The rating I give to a movie in the cinema refers to the cinema viewing experience. By that I mean that some films were made to be big screen blockbusters and when done right they can be truly entertaining. Sometimes one of these films is so cheesy they are good. Other films were never meant in that fashion and are good because they utilize good film making technique. Michael Bay's Transformers was a terrible film; cheesy writing, mediocre acting and a paper-thin plot but yet if you watch it in the cinema guzzling down a gallon of carbonated suagar water and tossing high quantities of e-numbers into your mouth, you can break the nasty spell of a hangover pretty successfully.

Obviously this means that a rating I would give to a movie is not the same as I would give to a piece of good film. The original Terminator is in many ways groundbreaking. The use of suspense, fear and action are brilliant. It's a film I can watch multiple times over. The fourth film in the franchise, Terminator Salvation is nothing special. There is nothing new about it. Christian Bale plays Batman.. sorry, himself - an angry young Welsh man who yells at people on set with a husky voice. That doesn't mean it isn't a half decent download-from-piratebay-get-high-and-watch-on-a-midweek-night movie. It just can't compare. I might rate them 4 stars each based on the viewing experience I had at the time but they may still mean different things.

Again, if I were reviewing DVDs, the rating system would be entirely different. A DVD has to have longevity, replay value, excellent film craftsmanship. I've got to want to spend money and space on my shelf for it to be worth it. For that reason City of God gets ***** whilst Bad Boys II gets **. If I went to the cinema to see either of them, the scores might be swapped. That being said Cidade de Deus will always be a treat. With no more confusing mumble to get through, here's my review of Clash of the Titans.

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Movie Conditions: One joint smoked between three people, pick n' mix to the balls, pain meds to handle the circumcision (more on that in a later post), film was in 3D

Synopsis: Greek legend Perseus seeks revenge for the demise of his family at the hands of the dark God Hades and must go on an epic quest with a band of warriors who must stop the Kraken before it destroys Argost (the Greek city, not the catalogue based retail chain)

First off if you're looking for depth, look elsewhere. Just as Avatar was Ferngully in Space (or Ocarina of Time meets the Matrix), this is Gladiator meets Hercules. Yes, I am well aware that it is a remake of a 1981 film, but I never saw that so I prefer to draw comparisons from films I actually have seen. You kind of know what to expect with this kind of film. It's very much of the fantasy genre. You already know the soundtrack - dramatic bassy strings and the occasional clash of cymbal when somebody swings a sword. It's no Lord of the Rings - it's more like like live action Heroquest. If that reference is too early 90s for you then it's God of War the movie. If you've played Dungeons and Dragons, roll some percentile dice and you've found out pretty much the monsters the characters end up fighting.

That's partly because the characters are pretty much the same throughout the film. There's a benevolent princess that cares for the people and is wiser than her God angering parents, there's the warriors out of 300 who thankfully have decided to get dressed this time round, then there's some Turkish guys who go around hunting beasts and make kebabs. As for the Gods, Liam Neeson does his "I'm so wise and shiny" bit and the bad guy may as well have been referred to as "He who must not be named" Fucking Voldemort.

From what you've read, I may not sound too enthusiastic about the film but that's because there's nothing about this film that will blow you away. Once it gets over the slow start it ends up being damned good fun.

I like sword and sorcerey tales and this film gives one with gusto and solid pace. Character development is not long and drawn out; you get about three lines of backstory to each face and that's it. You're not looked upon to identify with the characters. There's no complex message about the nature of morality hidden in some dispute between Smeagol and the hobits's's's and you can't relly apply the religious themes of the film to real life. It's just Star Wars in AncieNT Greece with Chewbacca made out of wood.

My one bit of advice about this is that unlike Avatar seeing this film in 3D has no benefit to your viewing experience. In fact at times I felt that it made the film look more 2D. Ever seen one of those Christmas cards where the background is on the card itself then other stuff is stuck onto the foreground to make it look 3D. That's what this film looks like in 3D sometimes. It's as if you can see the projection of the blue screen background then there's moving pieces of paper. You can see the edge of people in a way.

I'm gonna give it a decent 3 and a half muffs out of 5.

In my next blog entry I'm going to talk more about that crazy operation of mine, show you some VLOGs and maybe review Kick Ass (which actually just plain kicks ass).