Friday, November 01, 2024
Back pain
Twisted my back from over training yesterday and got a Thai oil massage there from Bo-Tanic.. paid for an hour long and about 5 minutes in, a second masseuse comes in and starts conversing in Thai to my masseuse. She now starts rubbing me down too and thought fuck, this is sweet, two middle aged Asian women giving me attention.. but then I realized they were doing it just to continue the conversation and they were clearly bitching about someone. I obviously don't speak Thai but you knew that tone. It's not like I could tell them to stop or I could get up, was pretty much pinned down by two sets of hands. Was like having an Asian sleep paralysis demon.
Was thinking just fucking shut up and stick on that massage music that sounds like you're in the early stages of an Age of Empires map and you're chopping down trees to build fishing boats
Saturday, December 31, 2022
Hospitality Review 2022
Hospitality Review 2022 So this is my review of hospitality work in 2022, from
the perespective of an occasional cash-in-hander, freelancer kinda guy.
Basically, as Al Pacino/Michael Corleone famously said (which Sil in The
Sopranos does a “great” imitation of), “Just when I thought I was out, they
pulled me back in.”
Hospitality is a hard mistress to leave. She might break your body, your mind and have you questioning every facet of humanity, but she’s your mistress. You either enjoy the experience enough to go back, or financial circumstances (or reward as is often the case in this hyper-understaffed world) may bring you back at least momentarily. It’s like smoking – once you start smoking, you’ll never be a non-smoker. You can be an ex-smoker, but that itch will always exist somewhere.
Over the last year, I’ve pulled the odd shift at events and freelanced in an immersive theatre/escape room experience bar in London, whilst over the last month I’ve worked part time in a trendy veggie/vegan restaurant as well the oldest bar (or at least they claim to be) in Belfast’s city centre. I’ve noticed a few things about staff, customers, myself and management/ownership.
Firstly, I’m sorry to anyone who’s had to work with me. Whilst I can still be fast at times, I am still messy. I try to clean up after myself, I sometimes do a shit job of it, smash glasses, spill stuff, have a sink which bounces water in all directions all over the floor and generally have an equal and opposite reaction. Additionally, whilst I have in some ways mellowed over time, my patience hasn’t developed as much as I hoped it would. I am in some ways grumpier and have a shorter fuse, over the smallest things. I think being in my mid 30s, my back is far more tender than it used to be from standing all day and this has caused me to do more complaining than ever before and whilst I think sometimes I might have a good reason to complain, I’m also a whiney bastard. Hopefully I’m funny enough that my gripes aren’t too much of a pain in the ass for those around me.
I do have to remember why I’m doing this hospitality thing. Whilst I do like the extra coin as I try to build savings to save for a house/shoot my next indy short film, part of me thinks it's to humble myself. Having been in a few groups about ranting about how it is to be a bar/restaurant staff member, I sorta feel I have to work some shifts to stay true. I'd love to be a brand rep of a decent brand again, but that seems like a long way off now.
In the Belfast bar, I was sorta given the feeling that I’m doing the bar a favour in the busy period. This has meant that I’ve been calling the shots of when I want to work. For reasons I’ve touched on before, I hate breakdown/clean up. I’m usually too busted to be effective at it and if it’s a bar I don’t know that well, I spend about half the time asking questions like a nosey five year old. I’ve usually arranged to go home more or less when the bar closes. This kinda works for management, for the most part, but it does feel like I’m letting down the regular staff. Apologies again guys. I’m in this for pocket money and to make sure I still have a sembelance of the skills I developed off and on over the better part of a decade
Secondly, staff – most of you guys are working your bollocks off, hats off to you but here’s the thing: know your rights. I’m still hearing stories of management/owners treating you badly, including not giving you breaks, or even contracts. A bar being understaffed isn’t your fault and whilst it’s great that you’re willing to pitch in and help out for extra wages, ask yourself if doing 60-70 hour weeks is really doing you any favours long, or short term. I’ve always thought it was daft, but that’s probably why I never progressed into a management position.
Thirdly, customers haven’t been too bad this year, even with the price of drink being what it is during a cost of living crisis. Perhaps everyone has just accepted that hospitality can be a tough, exhausting gig and also everything is just fucking expensive and there’s not a damn thing that any of us can seem to do about it.
I’ve had a couple of minor disputes, even one guy give off because I told him that the bar I was singlehandedly holdng down (and that’s as a freelancer) didn’t have any Sambucca and he’d need to go next door to the other bar within the building. He was a bit whiney about the fact I wouldn’t do it myself, but I thought we were having some banter and I basically, wearing my heart on my sleeve, but with a smirk about it told him that I had two shifts left and I couldn’t give a shit. He tried to complain to a manager later on and tried to preface it with the most ridiculous faux-posh manner I’ve ever heard “I ordered, shall we say.. liquers and one of your bartenders was rudely-indifferent about them not being there.” I was in ear-shot and did explain to him why I couldn’t get the drink and that I thought he understood my sarcasm. He then did the classic “I was a bartender for ten years and I never treated anyone like a dick. You were a total dick about it.” To which I explained I’m sorry if he thought I was being a dick TO HIM. I was a dicky about it, but I thought he got the situation. He then asked “was I being a dick?”, to which I almost felt like responding “No, but you’re being a total dick now”, but my main aim was to smooth the situation over a little bit in front of the manager and get the then closed bar clean so I could go home.
Another incident happened earlier in the year when a guy telling me his life story, before ordering what I thought was four negronis and a twist on an old fashioned. It was loud and I did feel like I checked with him multiple times if I got his order right. It turned out, he had been yammering on about how he’d had four negronis that night already and just wanted the one other drink to mix it up. After some back and forth, I only charged him for the one drink, but he tried stealing one of the other negronis. He was some sort of friened with the dickhead owner, so I got the drink back off him and sold two of the negronis to a legend nearby. Later as I’m clearing the bar, this clown and his friend are trying to stick the shoulder into me as they’re walking past, but being a good half a foot shorter than me and significantly less built, I chose to ignore them as they bounced off like rubber bullets against a tank.
In both these instances, my poor communication and lack of patience were probably catalysts to the reaction. Someone smoother and more balanced would probably have prevented the bombs from going off, so we’re all dicks in this sitatuon. I do however think that there should be some sort of mandatory National Service for hospitality work and that you should be expected to do two weeks every few years to remind you that you’re not above anyone and that it’s genuinely hard graft. Maybe not as hard a graft as various other forms of manual labour, or working in care homes wiping arses, but a hard enough graft nonetheless.
Fourthly – management. Again, some good management, some bad mamagement experienced over the past year. However, one thing I’ve seen everywhere I’ve worked this year, is a general tightness. For a start pay staff what they’re worth. If you treat them right, you won’t have to waste as much time dealing with a high turnover, or see them not show up to work because they’re overworked and sick. Secondly, items like ice buckets, sweep and scoops cost nothing. Why is it that I’ve worked in multiple places where there appears to be one of these items for an entire complex of bars? It’s not only frustrating for staff to have to run around to another bar to get a brush and scoop, but it’s actually dangerous – the longer broken glass etc. is sitting around, the greater the risk of it being a hazard to someone’s health it is. Same as mops. Most bars should have a dry mop. This should save a fortune in blue roll.
Finally – brands. When will you guys learn to design glasses, particularly pint glasses that will actually stack? Guiness can do it, why do you need some long narrow awkward bastard which will shatter if it’s nudged even a bit, or can’t even be put into another glass without having to crack one of the glasses? It’s awkward and it’s not remotely useful. I’m looking at you Peroni. Bartenders have a big enough difficulty with coupes and nick and noras, they don’t need more stemmed glasses. I’m looking at you Madri. Stop being pretentious wankers. Also Diageo – what the fuck is with those bullshit Guinness 0,0% machines? What an absolute pain in the ass they are for everyone. Nobody wants to spend seven years pouring a pint, whilst the machine patronizes you about the angle of the pour. Fucking knock that shit on the head.
Hope everyone has a great 2023! That’s all.
Hospitality is a hard mistress to leave. She might break your body, your mind and have you questioning every facet of humanity, but she’s your mistress. You either enjoy the experience enough to go back, or financial circumstances (or reward as is often the case in this hyper-understaffed world) may bring you back at least momentarily. It’s like smoking – once you start smoking, you’ll never be a non-smoker. You can be an ex-smoker, but that itch will always exist somewhere.
Over the last year, I’ve pulled the odd shift at events and freelanced in an immersive theatre/escape room experience bar in London, whilst over the last month I’ve worked part time in a trendy veggie/vegan restaurant as well the oldest bar (or at least they claim to be) in Belfast’s city centre. I’ve noticed a few things about staff, customers, myself and management/ownership.
Firstly, I’m sorry to anyone who’s had to work with me. Whilst I can still be fast at times, I am still messy. I try to clean up after myself, I sometimes do a shit job of it, smash glasses, spill stuff, have a sink which bounces water in all directions all over the floor and generally have an equal and opposite reaction. Additionally, whilst I have in some ways mellowed over time, my patience hasn’t developed as much as I hoped it would. I am in some ways grumpier and have a shorter fuse, over the smallest things. I think being in my mid 30s, my back is far more tender than it used to be from standing all day and this has caused me to do more complaining than ever before and whilst I think sometimes I might have a good reason to complain, I’m also a whiney bastard. Hopefully I’m funny enough that my gripes aren’t too much of a pain in the ass for those around me.
I do have to remember why I’m doing this hospitality thing. Whilst I do like the extra coin as I try to build savings to save for a house/shoot my next indy short film, part of me thinks it's to humble myself. Having been in a few groups about ranting about how it is to be a bar/restaurant staff member, I sorta feel I have to work some shifts to stay true. I'd love to be a brand rep of a decent brand again, but that seems like a long way off now.
In the Belfast bar, I was sorta given the feeling that I’m doing the bar a favour in the busy period. This has meant that I’ve been calling the shots of when I want to work. For reasons I’ve touched on before, I hate breakdown/clean up. I’m usually too busted to be effective at it and if it’s a bar I don’t know that well, I spend about half the time asking questions like a nosey five year old. I’ve usually arranged to go home more or less when the bar closes. This kinda works for management, for the most part, but it does feel like I’m letting down the regular staff. Apologies again guys. I’m in this for pocket money and to make sure I still have a sembelance of the skills I developed off and on over the better part of a decade
Secondly, staff – most of you guys are working your bollocks off, hats off to you but here’s the thing: know your rights. I’m still hearing stories of management/owners treating you badly, including not giving you breaks, or even contracts. A bar being understaffed isn’t your fault and whilst it’s great that you’re willing to pitch in and help out for extra wages, ask yourself if doing 60-70 hour weeks is really doing you any favours long, or short term. I’ve always thought it was daft, but that’s probably why I never progressed into a management position.
Thirdly, customers haven’t been too bad this year, even with the price of drink being what it is during a cost of living crisis. Perhaps everyone has just accepted that hospitality can be a tough, exhausting gig and also everything is just fucking expensive and there’s not a damn thing that any of us can seem to do about it.
I’ve had a couple of minor disputes, even one guy give off because I told him that the bar I was singlehandedly holdng down (and that’s as a freelancer) didn’t have any Sambucca and he’d need to go next door to the other bar within the building. He was a bit whiney about the fact I wouldn’t do it myself, but I thought we were having some banter and I basically, wearing my heart on my sleeve, but with a smirk about it told him that I had two shifts left and I couldn’t give a shit. He tried to complain to a manager later on and tried to preface it with the most ridiculous faux-posh manner I’ve ever heard “I ordered, shall we say.. liquers and one of your bartenders was rudely-indifferent about them not being there.” I was in ear-shot and did explain to him why I couldn’t get the drink and that I thought he understood my sarcasm. He then did the classic “I was a bartender for ten years and I never treated anyone like a dick. You were a total dick about it.” To which I explained I’m sorry if he thought I was being a dick TO HIM. I was a dicky about it, but I thought he got the situation. He then asked “was I being a dick?”, to which I almost felt like responding “No, but you’re being a total dick now”, but my main aim was to smooth the situation over a little bit in front of the manager and get the then closed bar clean so I could go home.
Another incident happened earlier in the year when a guy telling me his life story, before ordering what I thought was four negronis and a twist on an old fashioned. It was loud and I did feel like I checked with him multiple times if I got his order right. It turned out, he had been yammering on about how he’d had four negronis that night already and just wanted the one other drink to mix it up. After some back and forth, I only charged him for the one drink, but he tried stealing one of the other negronis. He was some sort of friened with the dickhead owner, so I got the drink back off him and sold two of the negronis to a legend nearby. Later as I’m clearing the bar, this clown and his friend are trying to stick the shoulder into me as they’re walking past, but being a good half a foot shorter than me and significantly less built, I chose to ignore them as they bounced off like rubber bullets against a tank.
In both these instances, my poor communication and lack of patience were probably catalysts to the reaction. Someone smoother and more balanced would probably have prevented the bombs from going off, so we’re all dicks in this sitatuon. I do however think that there should be some sort of mandatory National Service for hospitality work and that you should be expected to do two weeks every few years to remind you that you’re not above anyone and that it’s genuinely hard graft. Maybe not as hard a graft as various other forms of manual labour, or working in care homes wiping arses, but a hard enough graft nonetheless.
Fourthly – management. Again, some good management, some bad mamagement experienced over the past year. However, one thing I’ve seen everywhere I’ve worked this year, is a general tightness. For a start pay staff what they’re worth. If you treat them right, you won’t have to waste as much time dealing with a high turnover, or see them not show up to work because they’re overworked and sick. Secondly, items like ice buckets, sweep and scoops cost nothing. Why is it that I’ve worked in multiple places where there appears to be one of these items for an entire complex of bars? It’s not only frustrating for staff to have to run around to another bar to get a brush and scoop, but it’s actually dangerous – the longer broken glass etc. is sitting around, the greater the risk of it being a hazard to someone’s health it is. Same as mops. Most bars should have a dry mop. This should save a fortune in blue roll.
Finally – brands. When will you guys learn to design glasses, particularly pint glasses that will actually stack? Guiness can do it, why do you need some long narrow awkward bastard which will shatter if it’s nudged even a bit, or can’t even be put into another glass without having to crack one of the glasses? It’s awkward and it’s not remotely useful. I’m looking at you Peroni. Bartenders have a big enough difficulty with coupes and nick and noras, they don’t need more stemmed glasses. I’m looking at you Madri. Stop being pretentious wankers. Also Diageo – what the fuck is with those bullshit Guinness 0,0% machines? What an absolute pain in the ass they are for everyone. Nobody wants to spend seven years pouring a pint, whilst the machine patronizes you about the angle of the pour. Fucking knock that shit on the head.
Hope everyone has a great 2023! That’s all.
Tuesday, December 27, 2022
Conor Charlton's Yearly Review Part 2 - Music, Fashion, Sport and The Stage
Part 2 - Music, Fashion, Sport and The Stage
This is a continuation of this
Music
Studies suggest that after the age of 33, you tend to like less and less new music. Certainly, you don’t tend to like emerging genres. This might be the reason why “old-heads” dislike mumble rap. Over the last year, it has been my usual ecclectic mix of rock, grunge, reggae, ‘90s hip hop, synthwave, house, blues and metal. With my biggest discoveries being that one song by J-Cole you’ll find plastered over TikTok videos and German house DJ Chris Luno’s stimulating house beats which I’ve used to get the most mundane tasks done during the day jobs.
I have had the joy of seeing the following: Tool, The Specials, some bands at Desertfest (this is an ongoing joke about how I rock up every year on the last day when everyone is too hungover for bassy psychadelic metal, pay £50 for a ticket and drink to a wall of sound, or spend the entire time in a smoking area, despite not being a smoker), Tom Jones, Kings of Leon, Brass Against and a Pink Floyd Tribute Band.
My biggest win of the year has to have been seeing Tool. After eating a somewhat delicious and aromatic Rice Krispie cake, the show came to life with insane visuals and hypnotic rhythms so potent and powerful it has been rumoured to have had an effect on big-time Northern Irish house duo Bicep’s music. Whilst initially the audience were to be seated, frontman, Maynard James Keenan had his devoted followers on their feet for the duration. Had he announced he was starting a cult, I would have volunteered myself to have been his muscle. Incredible stuff. This would have been made only a little bit better if I had seen a little bit more of warm-up act, Brass Against, who I’ve adored since discovering them in 2017.
My biggest loss has to have been missing ridiculous synth-comedian Marc Rebelliet. Rebelliet was due to play in February and I had purchased two tickets for myself and my pseudo-girlfriend of the time (long story, but let’s say friend with benefits who I had attempted to “convert” into a girlfriend) as a Valentine’s weekend thing. COVID restrictions still being what they were meant that Marc postponed the gig until August, at which point pseudo-girlfriend and I were no longer a thing and the lack of email reminders from notorious cunt-corporation, Ticketmaster meant that I missed the gig entirely. I had hoped that the additional insurance Allianz Global Assistance had supposedly provided would actually be of some use, but of course these other corporate-twats will rely on you not reading small print. Who is going to go to a doctor to get evidence if they believe they have COVID? Absolute joke. Do not trust them as far as you can throw them.
Most of my music discoveries came as a result of weird remixes, this Wu-Tang remix album
Along with a Biggie Christmas album got a lot of listening. As the top comment puts it: “nothing says christmas more than "honey´s feel it deep in the placenta"
My Dad would be proud that I’m getting stuck back into one of the greatest blues legends of all time, John Lee Hooker
As for the synthwave, the bizarre, hyper-violent indy game, Hotline Miami 2 has fed into my music tastes getting a little bit weirder
There was a big loss this year with the passing of Terry Hall. I was blessed to have seen The Specials in Botanic Gardens during the Summer, which I enjoyed immensly even if it was as a result of some sort of weird THC-infused Techno Viking dancing, much to the chargrin of my buddy.
Fashion
I’ve never had a cool sense of dress, with shorts being my prefered pantalon for most of the year, and one of the many wooly jumpers I’ve been gifted by my mum to keep my core warm. It is time to accept though, that in Winter, I have become my Dad. Courdroy trousers, coupled with these wooly jumpers is exactly what he would wear, though I have enough of the jumpers that I’m not wearing the ones with holes all the time. Additionally, I am now officially the “what the fuck is that haircut” guy, as I see that weird shaved almost bare back-and-sides, but longer on-top do is like a bad Peaky Blinders Imitation. I think you can probably tell, I don’t quite follow it.
Sports
As per usual, I don’t to care that much about sports, other than combat ones. Over the last few years we’ve moved into the era of freak fights, with Youtubers calling out retired MMA fighters and boxers for some generally piss-poor fights, which have more than stanky whiff of corruption and fighters taking dives. What’s alarming is the fact these “fighters” have all decided “turning heel” and acting in the most obnoxious, dishonourable way calling each other out on social media and podcasts. Of course fighters have done this for a long time, Tyson Fury seems to alternate between bigging up and putting down his opponents as and when it suits him, all the while dodging mandatory title defences, or fighting genuine threats to losing his title. However, I have never have I seen it to the same degree, this massive staged dance to boost pay-per-view sales. Whilst Muhammad Ali and Chael Sonnen are some of the masters of it over the years, I think overall its promotes a toxicity amongst young people. The same kind of toxicity which leaks onto Call of Duty servers and has female players doxed and abused even more so than their male counterparts. Perhaps this is a gross conflation of the effects, but surely it’s all part of the same cause-and-effect pattern.
What about the good fights? Well we’re not going to mention Tyson Fury, Anthony Joshua or even Oleksandr Usyk (except to say “fair fucks to the Ukrainans for returning home, putting themselves in danger and being an active part of the war”), because some of their displays have been embarassing. Terrence Crawford’s incredible Welterweight defences have nothing but enthralling. Whilst the UFC has had a number of wild fights, ending in out-of-no-where comebacks: Leon Edwards fourth round headkick knockout was actually something I called (Well I was a round out), whilst Alex Pereira landed a similar out-of-the-blue finish of his arch-rival Israel Adesanya. Both fights have real fight of the year qualities about them, with Cyril Gane vs Tai Tuivasa not far behind. It’s been in some ways a rough year for UFC as the fighter’s pay dispute still seems far from being sorted. Fighters are underpaid compared to the amount of damage sustained, cost of camps, and healthcare, all in the context of the massive global revenue generated by the fights themselves. This has given Jake Paul more credence pushing for a fighter’s union alongside Anderson Silva. Lastly, several former fighters, all under 45 have passed, Stephan Bonnar, Rumble Johnson are amongst them. Johnson was unfortunately a victim of cancer, but in Stephan’s case, it seemed that the injuries sustained throughout his career led to him abusing opioids as a source of pain relief. This, likely combined with CTE led to some erratic behaviour in his final years. This is not dissimilar to many of the professional wrestlers who have passed early over the years.
Comedy and Theatre
I’ve tried to get the odd theatre show in there here and there, partly as some sort of “actor obligation”, sometimes to show support to my thesp comrades, other times to see if I can learn anything from seeing a live, engaged performance, but a good live theatre show can sometimes be better than a good film.
One such play was “The Wife and Me, and my Sex Doll” by Mark Kavanagh. Whilst all three performers did a great job of holding the witty, fast-paced sex romp together, Maryann Maguire and Christine Clark were particularly good at showing just how empathetic and interesting characters can be. Another was Clare Gould’s “The Gap Year”, which followed three older ladies deciding to travel around the island of Ireland, reconect and grieve lost loves. It’s a piece which saw a standing ovation from the crowd and may well get turned into an indy feature.
I’m still a comedy nerd and saw some great local shows, but Liverpool-native and main MC of Hot Water Comedy club, Paul Smith came over and did an extended set in The Waterfront at the start of the year. Doing extended bits on his DMT experiences, getting pegged and surviving the highs and lows of lockdown were a real treat. The runner up might have to be Steve Hofstetter who had a half decent show in The Empire Bar, but it was one which felt a little bit overpriced for what it was compared to other comics. The third part will finally be a review of my own efforts and figure out what I’m looking to achieve from next year.
This is a continuation of this
Music
Studies suggest that after the age of 33, you tend to like less and less new music. Certainly, you don’t tend to like emerging genres. This might be the reason why “old-heads” dislike mumble rap. Over the last year, it has been my usual ecclectic mix of rock, grunge, reggae, ‘90s hip hop, synthwave, house, blues and metal. With my biggest discoveries being that one song by J-Cole you’ll find plastered over TikTok videos and German house DJ Chris Luno’s stimulating house beats which I’ve used to get the most mundane tasks done during the day jobs.
I have had the joy of seeing the following: Tool, The Specials, some bands at Desertfest (this is an ongoing joke about how I rock up every year on the last day when everyone is too hungover for bassy psychadelic metal, pay £50 for a ticket and drink to a wall of sound, or spend the entire time in a smoking area, despite not being a smoker), Tom Jones, Kings of Leon, Brass Against and a Pink Floyd Tribute Band.
My biggest win of the year has to have been seeing Tool. After eating a somewhat delicious and aromatic Rice Krispie cake, the show came to life with insane visuals and hypnotic rhythms so potent and powerful it has been rumoured to have had an effect on big-time Northern Irish house duo Bicep’s music. Whilst initially the audience were to be seated, frontman, Maynard James Keenan had his devoted followers on their feet for the duration. Had he announced he was starting a cult, I would have volunteered myself to have been his muscle. Incredible stuff. This would have been made only a little bit better if I had seen a little bit more of warm-up act, Brass Against, who I’ve adored since discovering them in 2017.
My biggest loss has to have been missing ridiculous synth-comedian Marc Rebelliet. Rebelliet was due to play in February and I had purchased two tickets for myself and my pseudo-girlfriend of the time (long story, but let’s say friend with benefits who I had attempted to “convert” into a girlfriend) as a Valentine’s weekend thing. COVID restrictions still being what they were meant that Marc postponed the gig until August, at which point pseudo-girlfriend and I were no longer a thing and the lack of email reminders from notorious cunt-corporation, Ticketmaster meant that I missed the gig entirely. I had hoped that the additional insurance Allianz Global Assistance had supposedly provided would actually be of some use, but of course these other corporate-twats will rely on you not reading small print. Who is going to go to a doctor to get evidence if they believe they have COVID? Absolute joke. Do not trust them as far as you can throw them.
Most of my music discoveries came as a result of weird remixes, this Wu-Tang remix album
Along with a Biggie Christmas album got a lot of listening. As the top comment puts it: “nothing says christmas more than "honey´s feel it deep in the placenta"
My Dad would be proud that I’m getting stuck back into one of the greatest blues legends of all time, John Lee Hooker
As for the synthwave, the bizarre, hyper-violent indy game, Hotline Miami 2 has fed into my music tastes getting a little bit weirder
There was a big loss this year with the passing of Terry Hall. I was blessed to have seen The Specials in Botanic Gardens during the Summer, which I enjoyed immensly even if it was as a result of some sort of weird THC-infused Techno Viking dancing, much to the chargrin of my buddy.
Fashion
I’ve never had a cool sense of dress, with shorts being my prefered pantalon for most of the year, and one of the many wooly jumpers I’ve been gifted by my mum to keep my core warm. It is time to accept though, that in Winter, I have become my Dad. Courdroy trousers, coupled with these wooly jumpers is exactly what he would wear, though I have enough of the jumpers that I’m not wearing the ones with holes all the time. Additionally, I am now officially the “what the fuck is that haircut” guy, as I see that weird shaved almost bare back-and-sides, but longer on-top do is like a bad Peaky Blinders Imitation. I think you can probably tell, I don’t quite follow it.
Sports
As per usual, I don’t to care that much about sports, other than combat ones. Over the last few years we’ve moved into the era of freak fights, with Youtubers calling out retired MMA fighters and boxers for some generally piss-poor fights, which have more than stanky whiff of corruption and fighters taking dives. What’s alarming is the fact these “fighters” have all decided “turning heel” and acting in the most obnoxious, dishonourable way calling each other out on social media and podcasts. Of course fighters have done this for a long time, Tyson Fury seems to alternate between bigging up and putting down his opponents as and when it suits him, all the while dodging mandatory title defences, or fighting genuine threats to losing his title. However, I have never have I seen it to the same degree, this massive staged dance to boost pay-per-view sales. Whilst Muhammad Ali and Chael Sonnen are some of the masters of it over the years, I think overall its promotes a toxicity amongst young people. The same kind of toxicity which leaks onto Call of Duty servers and has female players doxed and abused even more so than their male counterparts. Perhaps this is a gross conflation of the effects, but surely it’s all part of the same cause-and-effect pattern.
What about the good fights? Well we’re not going to mention Tyson Fury, Anthony Joshua or even Oleksandr Usyk (except to say “fair fucks to the Ukrainans for returning home, putting themselves in danger and being an active part of the war”), because some of their displays have been embarassing. Terrence Crawford’s incredible Welterweight defences have nothing but enthralling. Whilst the UFC has had a number of wild fights, ending in out-of-no-where comebacks: Leon Edwards fourth round headkick knockout was actually something I called (Well I was a round out), whilst Alex Pereira landed a similar out-of-the-blue finish of his arch-rival Israel Adesanya. Both fights have real fight of the year qualities about them, with Cyril Gane vs Tai Tuivasa not far behind. It’s been in some ways a rough year for UFC as the fighter’s pay dispute still seems far from being sorted. Fighters are underpaid compared to the amount of damage sustained, cost of camps, and healthcare, all in the context of the massive global revenue generated by the fights themselves. This has given Jake Paul more credence pushing for a fighter’s union alongside Anderson Silva. Lastly, several former fighters, all under 45 have passed, Stephan Bonnar, Rumble Johnson are amongst them. Johnson was unfortunately a victim of cancer, but in Stephan’s case, it seemed that the injuries sustained throughout his career led to him abusing opioids as a source of pain relief. This, likely combined with CTE led to some erratic behaviour in his final years. This is not dissimilar to many of the professional wrestlers who have passed early over the years.
Comedy and Theatre
I’ve tried to get the odd theatre show in there here and there, partly as some sort of “actor obligation”, sometimes to show support to my thesp comrades, other times to see if I can learn anything from seeing a live, engaged performance, but a good live theatre show can sometimes be better than a good film.
One such play was “The Wife and Me, and my Sex Doll” by Mark Kavanagh. Whilst all three performers did a great job of holding the witty, fast-paced sex romp together, Maryann Maguire and Christine Clark were particularly good at showing just how empathetic and interesting characters can be. Another was Clare Gould’s “The Gap Year”, which followed three older ladies deciding to travel around the island of Ireland, reconect and grieve lost loves. It’s a piece which saw a standing ovation from the crowd and may well get turned into an indy feature.
I’m still a comedy nerd and saw some great local shows, but Liverpool-native and main MC of Hot Water Comedy club, Paul Smith came over and did an extended set in The Waterfront at the start of the year. Doing extended bits on his DMT experiences, getting pegged and surviving the highs and lows of lockdown were a real treat. The runner up might have to be Steve Hofstetter who had a half decent show in The Empire Bar, but it was one which felt a little bit overpriced for what it was compared to other comics. The third part will finally be a review of my own efforts and figure out what I’m looking to achieve from next year.
Conor Charlton’s Yearly Review 2022 Part 1 - Intro, Politics and On-Screen Media
This is going to be a long one but I don’t owe anyone conciseness, least of all
myself. I’ve always wanted to do a yearly review and the odd time have started
one, but abandoned it. I figure, if I’m not Charlie Brooker, I’m not likely to
give any interesting insight on the yearly situation and unless I’m consuming a
large amount of pop culture that year, I’m not necessarily qualified to discuss
it in any detail. Then again, Charlie’s not really doing his yearly wipe any
more and I’ve consumed more media this year than I have in virtually any other
year. Between chainwatching series, doom scrolling through Facebook/Instagram
reels, going to the cinema, theatre and a slew of great live gigs, ontop of my
own acting/voiceover/content creation/film making, I’ve almost certainly
consumed and produced more media in any year preceeding.
At this point in my life, I also feel more qualified to critique media that I’ve ever done before. However, a yearly review isn’t purely about media, though that plays a big part of it. It’s also about worldly events, the overall vibe and in my case, a review of my own life. Perhaps it’s an odd thing to review a chunk of your own life in such an arbitrary chunk of time as the supposed full cycle around the sun, but let’s face it, we’ve all said at some point “this has been a good year”, or lamented about why the year was so bad. Unless doing this makes us more content, then arguably it’s also a particularly un-stoic outlook.
On the other hand, I think that I can attempt to eschew out a better plan for 2023, in order to feel more focused and successful. Make achievable, reasonable, but still ambitious goals and this may provide a great deal more satisfaction by the end of next year. Ultimately, this review is like my own entry to a time capsule, which I may come to read again in years to come, or I’ll just bore the unfortuante soul who choses to read it.
The Political Landscape
It is very difficult to view the political landscape either global or on the Pretanic Isles (that’s the UK/Ireland) as anything less than depressing. Britain has cycled through a series of selfish and inept prime ministers, each seemingly more incomptent and self-serving than the last. Any hope of an effective left-wing opposition supportive of worker’s rights in any industry seems like a far-away fantasy. Huge swathes of the population still appear to support the likes of Boris Johnson, after years of him displaying a complete disregard for the population all because of his Trumpian “Ahhh he’s a good lad” persona. In the South of Ireland, the combined forces of Fine Gael and Fine Fail appear content to combine forces to block their most popular competition from actually taking part in government, all whilst selling off the country to American tech giants. In the North of Ireland, the minority loyalist DUP party has blocked Assembly from going ahead, in some pathetic childish throwing out the toys of the pram routine because they didn’t like the outcome of the same Brexit they pushed for. This has stopped all manner of day to day routine civil service moves from going ahead. Do we talk about France, who narrowly chose a centre-right party over a far right one? Or do we lament Italy’s decision to bring back the same party of Mussolini’s grand daughter in power? The Neo-Liberal Democrats, supposedly in charge of the US continuously fumble through their seemingly-senile president’s term, backtracking on any of their left-wing election positions, whilst handing more and more of the reins to anti-abortion Republicans.
I do think we are in bleak times, heading to a deeper and deeper climate emergency, as so many of the world’s citizens look to false prophets such as Jordan Peterson, Elon Musk and even worse – Andrew Tate. The “push-back” on “wokeness”, has seen homophobia and racism on the rise, evident particulalry on the likes of Twitter, as Musk’s “freedom of speech” platform has allowed the ghouls to emerge. It seems so easy to do too. The old game of bread and circuses was as present as ever – the Queen of England’s passing only put more eyes on the press’s favourite demons Harry and Megan. I can’t say I have much love for another couple of mega-rich, hyper-priviledged goons who appear to have played the victim card, but the constant attack on their character, whilst Royal-nonce Prince Andrew goes relatively unscathed and protected from prosecution by Mummy’s (read tax payer’s) money seem pretty unjust. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with Megan’s ethnic make up could it?
Any real saving grace from any of this right-wing slide appear to come from comedians and those members of the general populace, who see the world for what it is and are able to dish out witty retorts and spicy verbal backhanders on social media platforms. It’s a thin glimmer of hope in a world disgraced Health Secretary Matt Hancock can engage in some strange psy-op/PR spin by appearing on a gameshow and eating a few insects, only to have a legion of simpleminded fans state “Ohhh he’s a really nice guy, really.”
If there’s anything that really concerns me is a lack of accurate information about the Ukraine situation. There is no doubt in my mind that Putin is a dangerous megalomaniac, but I’m not naive enough to believe that the Neo-Liberal Western expansion, including the supposedly “defensive” NATO developments are purely in the interests of the people who lie before the boarders of Russia. Propaganda might be around us at all times, but it is never more prevalent than at a time of war. We’ve been presented videos of the conflict stolen from opening videos of computer games, along with myths such as “The Ghost of Kyiv”, proven to not just be false but ridiculous too.
We will soon be in a position where we are reading AI generated political myths and undetectable deepfake videos are used to bamboozle us beyond comprehension.
TV and Film
Beyond the “Doom scroll”, or endless games of Pokemon Showdown (a browser based simulation of the battle engine in the main games), which I almost think is used to “regulate” my potential undiagnosed ADHD, TV shows and films are undoubtedly my favourite form of escapism. So much so, that I’ll even read perplexing manuals on how to write the manuscripts. So what’s been the best and what has been the worst?
The Best Top Gun Maverick
Given I’ve just ranted about self-serving right-wing dominance on the rise, it may seem odd that I have full understanding why the most dominant blockbuster of the year was none other than military-glorifying Star Wars-in-planes nonsense Top Gun: Maverick. The sequel to a poorly-aged homo-erotic propaganda piece which I was forced to watch before a casual sexual encounter twelve years ago wasn’t something I expected to enjoy. However, it’s simple storylines, charming performances from Teller, Connelly and (to a lesser extent) Cruise, well-timed emotional beats including a throat-cancer surviving Val Kilmer along with the decision to esche excessive CGI use in favour of actually flying the damn planes was something which read incredibly well on-screen. TG:M isn’t a French art-house Indy film that needs to be pulled apart and discussed for its beauty, it’s just a very fun big screen flick.
Banshees of Inisherin
From my knowledge, neither the estranged brothers Michael nor Martin MacDonagh have made a bad film and Martin’s Banshees was no exception. Whilst an argument could be made that the script could have been more economic and the cinematography whilst beautiful was occasionally a little bit self-indlugent, the witty dialogue, delivered perfectly by Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Kerry Condon and Barry Keoghan was a perfect surface for something much deeper. Arguably a mirror of Van Gogh’s life and also an allegory for the Irish Civil War which saw brother fight brother and friend kill friend, it’s classic MacDonagh examination of whether having a purpose in life actually matters is a fanatastic film for its sheer ability to stir conversation.
The Bear
I’m a big fan of restaurant/kitchen based dramas, particularly those that capture the highs and lows of the hospitality game well. Like 2021’s Boiling Point, The Bear does a great job of showing the stress, whilst giving great moment’s of satisfaction. It’s well acted, but with a slightly lacklustre ending to its first season.
The Boys S3
The Boys has been one of my favourite shows on any streaming platform since it first arrived. This anti-superhero superhero show which sees Anthony Starr give his best “what if Trump was Superman” performance, opposite Karl Urban’s brilliant but wonky-accented (to the point they literally have to write his Dad being Australian and his mum being Cockney into the show) Billy Butcher is immense fun, whilst giving visceral shocks, big laughs and a very fun plotline.
Reacher Lee Child’s pulpy novel series inspired a bunch of TV shows over the years which all centred on a kick-ass central character in the Southern states running around kicking ass. For light watching, Banshee and Justified are super enjoyable for their supply of sex, snappy dialogue and violence and for this reason, Reacher was a joy. Given how good Alan Ritchon is, I’m not even annoyed that I didn’t get past the first round of auditions.
Wu-Tang: An American Saga S2
This probably isn’t a show which would land that well with anyone who isn’t a big fan of the quintessential ‘90s hip hop squad, but for me, this season built off the good foundations laid in the first one and gave more time to the semi-fictional versions of my favourite Staten Islanders. Who would have thought a guy who co-named his production company “36 Chambers Productions”, after the Wu’s first album would love this series that much?
Licorice Pizza
I love the visual style of Paul Thomas Anderson, especially when it's set in decades gone by. Boogie Nights is one of my favourite films of all time, even if its subject is much more depraved. Licorice Pizza has great performances and plays out as a super enjoyable feel good film.
Boiling Point
Boiling Point made a huge impact on me when I watched it for its realism, insane camera workk and great performances. The fact that I've worked in a Dalston restaurant before and felt that I was a combination of the bartender who flirts with everyone and the waiter/actor who was late due to an audition rang pretty true. I think it's a film which will have made a big impact on indy dramas to come.
Nightride
Nightride is another one-taker indy feature that was filmed entirely in Belfast. Much like Locke, it surrounds a central character trying to make sure things go to plan by having a series of stressful phone calls. Having spoken to a couple of members of the crew, I found out that the scene where the character is stopped by police wasn't intended to part of the script, they were actually stopped by the police and the lead actor had to improvise. The cops themselves are real and had to have their faces blurred out from the film, giving it quite a surreal quality.
Andor
A slow burning anarcho-communist manifesto which proves that Star Wars isn’t just for kids. Whilst it arguably took a long time to heat up, the characterization and attention to detail was unparalleled in any Sci-fi show that I’ve seen in a long time. It’s eventual pay off was exactly what fans of one of the best entries into the entire franchise needed.
Mid Tier Tyson
This unauthorized biopic show of the legendary and notorious heavyweight champion was extremely watchable, but parts of it didn’t seem to sit particularly right with me, particularly the handling of the rape case, which whilst it attempted to give the due respect to Tyson’s victim, was arguably a bit rushed and lacking.
Obi-Wan
Another entry into the Star Wars mythos, the show allowed Ewan McGregor to reprise his role as the troubled Jedi master and give a compelling portrayal. It also had moments where it showed Darth Vader to be the truly horrifying villain that he really is. Unfortunately, it faltered in a few areas – lightsabers not doing what they’re supposed to do, an irritating child character and a series of scenes which only appeared to cause plotholes within the original and best sci-fantasy trilogy. Its end battle was the most emotionally charged and somehow moving show yet.
SAS: Rogue Heroes
Peaky Blinders showrunner Steven Knight has a WWII romp not too far from the vein of Peaky. It's fine. Mildly entertaining at times. I'm just irked and made jealous that mad alcoholic Northern Irish Nazi-puncher, Blair "Paddy" Mayne was played by middle-Englander Jack O'Connell. Whilst O'Connell was presumably selected because of his name and existing portfolio of work, there are literally dozens of Northern Irish actors who I think would have done a superb job. Again, Jacky-boy isn't terrible, but at times he felt like was giving a Tom Hardy-lite performance and his accent wasn't exactly crisp. Particularly as Mayne would probably have had that North Down '40s Trans-Atlantic affection more akin to posh English than the hardman East Belfast twang given. O'Connell is also in the bad books of a good Derby-based mate of mine, for having a bunch of racist mates, so that's always in the back of my mind when watching him.
The Bad The Entire MCU
I’ve been a fan of Marvel comics since seeing a dreadful but enjoyable made-for-TV Captain America film in the early ‘90s. It was a devotion which was further solidified by the animated X-Men and Spider-men shows and finally the live action franchise starting with the experimental 2008 hit, Iron Man. Alas, after 30 odd films, and half a dozen live-action TV shows, the excitement of the MCU is fading rapidly. In some ways, it’s to be expected. Comics themselves have had 80 years of characters being imagined, reimagined and ret-conned in and out of existence ad nauseum. At some point the films would have to do the same and whilst Guardians of the Galaxy had turned lesser-known characters into massive hits, the attempt to do the same with a bundle of new characters, alternative versions and Z-list characters has not been a great success.
Since Avengers: Endgame, only Shang-Chi and Spider-man: No Way Home have been particularly good. For me, NWH was phenomenal, but this has been much more to do with unadulterated fan-service, which nearly had me choke up with tears on three separate occasions. Shang-Chi did a great job of mixing the superhero genre with comedy and classic Hong Kong-style martial arts action. Thor 4, Doc Strange 2, Black Panther 2 have all had moments, but ultimately fallen flat due to poor plotting, dialogue and the decision to undermine any moment of real threat with cringe-inducing comedy. It’s a problem which was also seen in several of the Disney Plus TV shows, further speared by lack of congruity between titles. Anything exciting about Wandavision was quickly undermined by DS:MOM for instance.
At times, the shows seemed rushed and in the case of She Hulk, I am genuinely baffled how they managed to spend $25 M an episode on mediocrity. Again, this show had potential, but felt rushed at times and whilst the ending was ripped straight out of the comics, felt deeply unsatisfying, so much so that I found myself angered to be agreeing with the whining alt-right incel snowflakes. It is worth remembering though, that not everything has to be made to suit a cis-gendered middle class white male. She-Hulk is supposedly made by women for women, but I'm slightly dubious how many women are really enjoying it. It's not without its fans, but if there's ever a show to polarize the MCU fanbase, it's one of them. Ultimately, what is going to make the MCU lose any real importance is that now the universal threat of Thanos has been dealt with, it’s going to be difficult to build a villain up to be as scary or dangerous. Whilst I can see a good attempt being made at Kang played by the great Jonathan Majors being built up, knowing that characters can be “resurrected” by dragging out alternative timeline versions from the multiverse will undermine any danger of them being killed or lost.
Not to mention, putting the most powerful artifacts in the universe into a drawer like they are cheap souvenirs means we’re just waiting for a new macguffin or series of macguffins to be brought out and paraded in front of the audience as a deus ex machina device.
Peaky Blinders S6
Whilst there have been years that I've enjoyed the style-over-substance British gangster period piece, this season was particularly poor. The lack of the late great Helen McCrory showed how one-dimensional the show really is. I'm not sure why we've not seen more parodies of its "slow motion walking to indy music in front of industrial backgdrops", drawn-out-staring-quietly-whilst-smoking shots and over-the-top yelling is something often deserving of ridicule and this season was no different. The most poignant moments were of course the ones featuring the incredible Stephen Graham, who would probably steal the show from virtually any actor on the planet.
Purple Hearts
I am as baffled as you are as to why I watched this cheesy propaganda-piece romcom. Even more baffled as to why I watched it than as to why I watched Top Gun. It’s a paper thin plot led by two leads who can act but never really seem to properly connect. Left wing, vs Right wing, but hey.. AMERICA! Part two is going to be about music, fashion and I’ll start digging into my own wins and losses. Part two about music, fashion, the stage and sport is here
At this point in my life, I also feel more qualified to critique media that I’ve ever done before. However, a yearly review isn’t purely about media, though that plays a big part of it. It’s also about worldly events, the overall vibe and in my case, a review of my own life. Perhaps it’s an odd thing to review a chunk of your own life in such an arbitrary chunk of time as the supposed full cycle around the sun, but let’s face it, we’ve all said at some point “this has been a good year”, or lamented about why the year was so bad. Unless doing this makes us more content, then arguably it’s also a particularly un-stoic outlook.
On the other hand, I think that I can attempt to eschew out a better plan for 2023, in order to feel more focused and successful. Make achievable, reasonable, but still ambitious goals and this may provide a great deal more satisfaction by the end of next year. Ultimately, this review is like my own entry to a time capsule, which I may come to read again in years to come, or I’ll just bore the unfortuante soul who choses to read it.
The Political Landscape
It is very difficult to view the political landscape either global or on the Pretanic Isles (that’s the UK/Ireland) as anything less than depressing. Britain has cycled through a series of selfish and inept prime ministers, each seemingly more incomptent and self-serving than the last. Any hope of an effective left-wing opposition supportive of worker’s rights in any industry seems like a far-away fantasy. Huge swathes of the population still appear to support the likes of Boris Johnson, after years of him displaying a complete disregard for the population all because of his Trumpian “Ahhh he’s a good lad” persona. In the South of Ireland, the combined forces of Fine Gael and Fine Fail appear content to combine forces to block their most popular competition from actually taking part in government, all whilst selling off the country to American tech giants. In the North of Ireland, the minority loyalist DUP party has blocked Assembly from going ahead, in some pathetic childish throwing out the toys of the pram routine because they didn’t like the outcome of the same Brexit they pushed for. This has stopped all manner of day to day routine civil service moves from going ahead. Do we talk about France, who narrowly chose a centre-right party over a far right one? Or do we lament Italy’s decision to bring back the same party of Mussolini’s grand daughter in power? The Neo-Liberal Democrats, supposedly in charge of the US continuously fumble through their seemingly-senile president’s term, backtracking on any of their left-wing election positions, whilst handing more and more of the reins to anti-abortion Republicans.
I do think we are in bleak times, heading to a deeper and deeper climate emergency, as so many of the world’s citizens look to false prophets such as Jordan Peterson, Elon Musk and even worse – Andrew Tate. The “push-back” on “wokeness”, has seen homophobia and racism on the rise, evident particulalry on the likes of Twitter, as Musk’s “freedom of speech” platform has allowed the ghouls to emerge. It seems so easy to do too. The old game of bread and circuses was as present as ever – the Queen of England’s passing only put more eyes on the press’s favourite demons Harry and Megan. I can’t say I have much love for another couple of mega-rich, hyper-priviledged goons who appear to have played the victim card, but the constant attack on their character, whilst Royal-nonce Prince Andrew goes relatively unscathed and protected from prosecution by Mummy’s (read tax payer’s) money seem pretty unjust. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with Megan’s ethnic make up could it?
Any real saving grace from any of this right-wing slide appear to come from comedians and those members of the general populace, who see the world for what it is and are able to dish out witty retorts and spicy verbal backhanders on social media platforms. It’s a thin glimmer of hope in a world disgraced Health Secretary Matt Hancock can engage in some strange psy-op/PR spin by appearing on a gameshow and eating a few insects, only to have a legion of simpleminded fans state “Ohhh he’s a really nice guy, really.”
If there’s anything that really concerns me is a lack of accurate information about the Ukraine situation. There is no doubt in my mind that Putin is a dangerous megalomaniac, but I’m not naive enough to believe that the Neo-Liberal Western expansion, including the supposedly “defensive” NATO developments are purely in the interests of the people who lie before the boarders of Russia. Propaganda might be around us at all times, but it is never more prevalent than at a time of war. We’ve been presented videos of the conflict stolen from opening videos of computer games, along with myths such as “The Ghost of Kyiv”, proven to not just be false but ridiculous too.
We will soon be in a position where we are reading AI generated political myths and undetectable deepfake videos are used to bamboozle us beyond comprehension.
TV and Film
Beyond the “Doom scroll”, or endless games of Pokemon Showdown (a browser based simulation of the battle engine in the main games), which I almost think is used to “regulate” my potential undiagnosed ADHD, TV shows and films are undoubtedly my favourite form of escapism. So much so, that I’ll even read perplexing manuals on how to write the manuscripts. So what’s been the best and what has been the worst?
The Best Top Gun Maverick
Given I’ve just ranted about self-serving right-wing dominance on the rise, it may seem odd that I have full understanding why the most dominant blockbuster of the year was none other than military-glorifying Star Wars-in-planes nonsense Top Gun: Maverick. The sequel to a poorly-aged homo-erotic propaganda piece which I was forced to watch before a casual sexual encounter twelve years ago wasn’t something I expected to enjoy. However, it’s simple storylines, charming performances from Teller, Connelly and (to a lesser extent) Cruise, well-timed emotional beats including a throat-cancer surviving Val Kilmer along with the decision to esche excessive CGI use in favour of actually flying the damn planes was something which read incredibly well on-screen. TG:M isn’t a French art-house Indy film that needs to be pulled apart and discussed for its beauty, it’s just a very fun big screen flick.
Banshees of Inisherin
From my knowledge, neither the estranged brothers Michael nor Martin MacDonagh have made a bad film and Martin’s Banshees was no exception. Whilst an argument could be made that the script could have been more economic and the cinematography whilst beautiful was occasionally a little bit self-indlugent, the witty dialogue, delivered perfectly by Colin Farrell, Brendan Gleeson, Kerry Condon and Barry Keoghan was a perfect surface for something much deeper. Arguably a mirror of Van Gogh’s life and also an allegory for the Irish Civil War which saw brother fight brother and friend kill friend, it’s classic MacDonagh examination of whether having a purpose in life actually matters is a fanatastic film for its sheer ability to stir conversation.
The Bear
I’m a big fan of restaurant/kitchen based dramas, particularly those that capture the highs and lows of the hospitality game well. Like 2021’s Boiling Point, The Bear does a great job of showing the stress, whilst giving great moment’s of satisfaction. It’s well acted, but with a slightly lacklustre ending to its first season.
The Boys S3
The Boys has been one of my favourite shows on any streaming platform since it first arrived. This anti-superhero superhero show which sees Anthony Starr give his best “what if Trump was Superman” performance, opposite Karl Urban’s brilliant but wonky-accented (to the point they literally have to write his Dad being Australian and his mum being Cockney into the show) Billy Butcher is immense fun, whilst giving visceral shocks, big laughs and a very fun plotline.
Reacher Lee Child’s pulpy novel series inspired a bunch of TV shows over the years which all centred on a kick-ass central character in the Southern states running around kicking ass. For light watching, Banshee and Justified are super enjoyable for their supply of sex, snappy dialogue and violence and for this reason, Reacher was a joy. Given how good Alan Ritchon is, I’m not even annoyed that I didn’t get past the first round of auditions.
Wu-Tang: An American Saga S2
This probably isn’t a show which would land that well with anyone who isn’t a big fan of the quintessential ‘90s hip hop squad, but for me, this season built off the good foundations laid in the first one and gave more time to the semi-fictional versions of my favourite Staten Islanders. Who would have thought a guy who co-named his production company “36 Chambers Productions”, after the Wu’s first album would love this series that much?
Licorice Pizza
I love the visual style of Paul Thomas Anderson, especially when it's set in decades gone by. Boogie Nights is one of my favourite films of all time, even if its subject is much more depraved. Licorice Pizza has great performances and plays out as a super enjoyable feel good film.
Boiling Point
Boiling Point made a huge impact on me when I watched it for its realism, insane camera workk and great performances. The fact that I've worked in a Dalston restaurant before and felt that I was a combination of the bartender who flirts with everyone and the waiter/actor who was late due to an audition rang pretty true. I think it's a film which will have made a big impact on indy dramas to come.
Nightride
Nightride is another one-taker indy feature that was filmed entirely in Belfast. Much like Locke, it surrounds a central character trying to make sure things go to plan by having a series of stressful phone calls. Having spoken to a couple of members of the crew, I found out that the scene where the character is stopped by police wasn't intended to part of the script, they were actually stopped by the police and the lead actor had to improvise. The cops themselves are real and had to have their faces blurred out from the film, giving it quite a surreal quality.
Andor
A slow burning anarcho-communist manifesto which proves that Star Wars isn’t just for kids. Whilst it arguably took a long time to heat up, the characterization and attention to detail was unparalleled in any Sci-fi show that I’ve seen in a long time. It’s eventual pay off was exactly what fans of one of the best entries into the entire franchise needed.
Mid Tier Tyson
This unauthorized biopic show of the legendary and notorious heavyweight champion was extremely watchable, but parts of it didn’t seem to sit particularly right with me, particularly the handling of the rape case, which whilst it attempted to give the due respect to Tyson’s victim, was arguably a bit rushed and lacking.
Obi-Wan
Another entry into the Star Wars mythos, the show allowed Ewan McGregor to reprise his role as the troubled Jedi master and give a compelling portrayal. It also had moments where it showed Darth Vader to be the truly horrifying villain that he really is. Unfortunately, it faltered in a few areas – lightsabers not doing what they’re supposed to do, an irritating child character and a series of scenes which only appeared to cause plotholes within the original and best sci-fantasy trilogy. Its end battle was the most emotionally charged and somehow moving show yet.
SAS: Rogue Heroes
Peaky Blinders showrunner Steven Knight has a WWII romp not too far from the vein of Peaky. It's fine. Mildly entertaining at times. I'm just irked and made jealous that mad alcoholic Northern Irish Nazi-puncher, Blair "Paddy" Mayne was played by middle-Englander Jack O'Connell. Whilst O'Connell was presumably selected because of his name and existing portfolio of work, there are literally dozens of Northern Irish actors who I think would have done a superb job. Again, Jacky-boy isn't terrible, but at times he felt like was giving a Tom Hardy-lite performance and his accent wasn't exactly crisp. Particularly as Mayne would probably have had that North Down '40s Trans-Atlantic affection more akin to posh English than the hardman East Belfast twang given. O'Connell is also in the bad books of a good Derby-based mate of mine, for having a bunch of racist mates, so that's always in the back of my mind when watching him.
The Bad The Entire MCU
I’ve been a fan of Marvel comics since seeing a dreadful but enjoyable made-for-TV Captain America film in the early ‘90s. It was a devotion which was further solidified by the animated X-Men and Spider-men shows and finally the live action franchise starting with the experimental 2008 hit, Iron Man. Alas, after 30 odd films, and half a dozen live-action TV shows, the excitement of the MCU is fading rapidly. In some ways, it’s to be expected. Comics themselves have had 80 years of characters being imagined, reimagined and ret-conned in and out of existence ad nauseum. At some point the films would have to do the same and whilst Guardians of the Galaxy had turned lesser-known characters into massive hits, the attempt to do the same with a bundle of new characters, alternative versions and Z-list characters has not been a great success.
Since Avengers: Endgame, only Shang-Chi and Spider-man: No Way Home have been particularly good. For me, NWH was phenomenal, but this has been much more to do with unadulterated fan-service, which nearly had me choke up with tears on three separate occasions. Shang-Chi did a great job of mixing the superhero genre with comedy and classic Hong Kong-style martial arts action. Thor 4, Doc Strange 2, Black Panther 2 have all had moments, but ultimately fallen flat due to poor plotting, dialogue and the decision to undermine any moment of real threat with cringe-inducing comedy. It’s a problem which was also seen in several of the Disney Plus TV shows, further speared by lack of congruity between titles. Anything exciting about Wandavision was quickly undermined by DS:MOM for instance.
At times, the shows seemed rushed and in the case of She Hulk, I am genuinely baffled how they managed to spend $25 M an episode on mediocrity. Again, this show had potential, but felt rushed at times and whilst the ending was ripped straight out of the comics, felt deeply unsatisfying, so much so that I found myself angered to be agreeing with the whining alt-right incel snowflakes. It is worth remembering though, that not everything has to be made to suit a cis-gendered middle class white male. She-Hulk is supposedly made by women for women, but I'm slightly dubious how many women are really enjoying it. It's not without its fans, but if there's ever a show to polarize the MCU fanbase, it's one of them. Ultimately, what is going to make the MCU lose any real importance is that now the universal threat of Thanos has been dealt with, it’s going to be difficult to build a villain up to be as scary or dangerous. Whilst I can see a good attempt being made at Kang played by the great Jonathan Majors being built up, knowing that characters can be “resurrected” by dragging out alternative timeline versions from the multiverse will undermine any danger of them being killed or lost.
Not to mention, putting the most powerful artifacts in the universe into a drawer like they are cheap souvenirs means we’re just waiting for a new macguffin or series of macguffins to be brought out and paraded in front of the audience as a deus ex machina device.
Peaky Blinders S6
Whilst there have been years that I've enjoyed the style-over-substance British gangster period piece, this season was particularly poor. The lack of the late great Helen McCrory showed how one-dimensional the show really is. I'm not sure why we've not seen more parodies of its "slow motion walking to indy music in front of industrial backgdrops", drawn-out-staring-quietly-whilst-smoking shots and over-the-top yelling is something often deserving of ridicule and this season was no different. The most poignant moments were of course the ones featuring the incredible Stephen Graham, who would probably steal the show from virtually any actor on the planet.
Purple Hearts
I am as baffled as you are as to why I watched this cheesy propaganda-piece romcom. Even more baffled as to why I watched it than as to why I watched Top Gun. It’s a paper thin plot led by two leads who can act but never really seem to properly connect. Left wing, vs Right wing, but hey.. AMERICA! Part two is going to be about music, fashion and I’ll start digging into my own wins and losses. Part two about music, fashion, the stage and sport is here
Tuesday, November 29, 2022
Creative Interview with Conor Charlton
I'm sitting here with Northern Irish writer and actor, Conor Charlton on a cool November morning. He's been up since 6 am and got up to train Muay Thai.
I ask him about his discipline and whether this is a regular routine and he replies with a smirk "When I can. Today was a bit more about sweating out the naughtiness of the weekend. My best buddies and I went out for our pre-Christmas, Christmas drinks."
His eyes smirk as much as his lips, in a way which talks of untold tales.
"Should you be admitting that in an interview situation?"
"Perhaps not, but perhaps honesty should be seen as the best policy. I also believe in working hard and playing hard, so I try to keep things balanced."
I ask him why he's applied for the position and what makes him qualified.
"I love content writing. I've been doing it since March 2021. Most of my work has been for clients on Fiverr. I've written about a wide variety of topics, martial arts, business practices, history, food and drink as well as the hospitality industry. On one occasion someone asked me to write a thousand words on LED Video walls. I ended up going on a deep dive and wrote him two thousand, enough for multiple articles. He tipped quite generously."
"So it's fair to say you enjoy researching and take an interest in a variety of topics?"
"Yes, absolutely. I'm curious about so many subjects. I think the most creative people tend to be, as the curiosity allows them to understand the world as a whole."
"Interesting. What about business, what do you know of it?"
"Well, I recently left a customer management position in one of the Big 4. I also obtained a PgCert in Business Analysis and Consulting over lockdown through Ulster University, so I have a good understanding of the various analysis tools and how they might be applied. I've written content articles about the business world before, including one which was ghostwritten for Forbes."
"Forbes? That's quite impressive. Tell me about the article."
"The article was to accompany a podcast episode, that looked at how business and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu overlapped. Gordon Ryan, considered one of the greatest grapplers of all time was the guest. He talked about patience, progression and analysis. Allowing your competition to make moves before you capitalized on their mistakes. Sometimes micro-movements can have big effects on your business and your position within a fight."
"That's a bit different. I can see that you can't speak Spanish?"
Conor pauses here to take a moment to think and reflect. There's a fleeting look of somberness.
"Yes, I don't have many regrets, but I lived in Barcelona for about twenty months over a three year period. I should have spent more time going to classes and talking to South Americans and those from other parts of Spain. Catalan people are notoriously closed and also speak Catalan, which may be a beautiful language, but is much less useful than the wider spoken Castellano. I don't like to make excuses, but due to the loss of my father, I was going through a period where I focused more on the playing hard than the working hard."
"That's tough, though I thank you for your honesty again."
"You're welcome. Life can be that way sometimes."
"Where do you see yourself in five years time?"
"I'd like to be more successful in everything that I do. I also intend to have a house of my own. It's much easier to be on the property market in Belfast compared to various other spots in the UK, but it's not without its challenges. I think I'll still be content writing in some form, as it'll help feed into my fictional writing as well. It worked for David Simon and he wrote The Wire, arguably the greatest television programme ever made. Can you tell me more about the role?"
At this point, I gave Conor a breakdown of the type of work we carry out, satiating his curiosity.
A link to his work.
https://charlto.blogspot.com/2022/11/interview-with-gordon-ryan.html
Interview with Gordon Ryan
This was originally written for Jordan Edward's Business Jiu Jitsu podcast. You can check out his website here.
Some might find it strange that there is a correlation between the principles of business and the principles of a grappling based martial art such as Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, but for Gordon Ryan, arguably the greatest submission grappler on the planet, this correlation is a lot more obvious.
Over the last ten years, the 26-year-old New Jersey has spent countless hours on the mat. As a teenager, Ryan would travel all the way from the Jersey town of Monroe Township to Renzo Gracie’s Academy in Midtown New York with teammate and older brother figure, Garry Tonnon. There he would grow in both skill and mentality under the tutelage of both Renzo and philosophy PhD graduate, John Danaher.
As the pound for pound grappler on the planet and current ADCC champion, Gordon has made what most would consider a fortune in both prize money and in instructional DVD sales. This success has largely been rooted in following Danaher’s own personal philosophy – “Just focus on being the best in the world and everything else is easy.”
With this philosophy, he has cultivated a “never give up” mindset. This mindset can be seen in many of Ryan’s competitive matches. Back in 2017 at fourteenth Eddie Bravo Invitational event, Ryan faced off against future teammate Craig Jones. Unlike most other BJJ tournaments, there is no point system in these events and competitors must submit each other within a ten-minute round, or go to an overtime position, where one athlete is given a dominant position to mount an aggressive submission attempt. Here, Ryan found himself in Jones’ armbar, a move in which the attacker uses their hands to control of their opponent’s wrist, whilst using their legs to clamp over the defender’s face and chest in order to apply pressure on the pivot point of the elbow in order to break the arm.
Most would choose to “tap out” at this point, but Gordon snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. With 10,000 dollars on the line and an undefeated EBI streak up to this point, tapping simply wasn’t on the menu for Ryan.
He explains “Mechanically, because he didn’t have me in a static position, you keep working towards an escape. Same thing in life, essentially as long as you can keep moving forward in life and have a goal in mind, you’re eventually going to get there. I mean it’s going to be a rocky road but my goal was “keep working towards an escape, eventually get the elbow off the breaking fulcrum and eventually you’re going to be out and you’re going to be in offence again. Same as anything in life, work towards a goal and eventually you’ll get there.”
Ryan would make a series of micro movements
““you have to keep making those micro movements and keep moving and figure a way out of it. This is something I’m looking to explore and get to the heart of it.”
Ryan escaped, then submitted Craig with a deep rear naked choke, with the footage being witnessed by millions of viewers online since.
This victory has done wonders for his own personal brand. Encouraging thousands to purchase his instructional videos. He speaks about this in a way marketers can understand - “You have to be entertaining in some way. Whether it’s on the mat, or inside the ring, or off the mat”. Much like the legendary boxer, Mohammed Ali, Ryan aims to be entertaining both on and off the mat. “Historically those who are exciting in and out of the ring are the most financially successful.”
This has led to Ryan getting into social media “beefs” with rivals, whilst also sharing some polarizing political opinions. Despite insisting on the importance of not getting caught in the persona, he insists his aim is to “spread common sense and logic”, or encourage thought processes in “how a normal, successful person should think.” This pride in doing things his own way, and the willingness to lose sponsors if they attempt to prevent him from voicing his opinions.
On both the mats and in social media comment threads, Gordon likes to apply similar tactics – “When you cause a dilemma – you put your opponents in a position where they have to choose the lesser of two evils but either way you are making them work for you.” On the mats, Gordon has done this to the highest level and made it look easy and when it comes to trash talking, when someone insults him, he will present a dilemma so that the insulter has no choice but to look stupid
This concept of creating a dilemma is maybe a particularly passive aggressive way to manage a business relationship, but in the event of a hostile takeover, it may be a tactic worth considering. Gordon’s Kiwi-American coach, Danaher presented this idea during a cameo appearance on the Showtime drama “Billions”. By navigating a conversation in two ways and presenting a dilemma it may be possible to win negotiations.
BJJ coaches often train their students to work as if they are following flow charts, when an opponent makes a decision, a relevant counter can be made. Over time, these moves can become ingrained in muscle memory through repetition. In business, this may be a bit like considering leverage and control, before applying it on the relevant pivot points of any negotiations or exchange. In business and Jiu Jitsu, this understanding of leverage comes from practice – whether it is a case of practicing outside heel hooks until 3 in the morning, or researching different aspects of a business.
As both a dominant grappler and entertaining personality, Gordon has come to understand his own leverage within the Jiu Jitsu market.
The Jiu Jitsu organizations are aware that from a financial perspective, he doesn’t have to compete. His earnings have put him in a position where he never has to step on the mats again, but his popularity means that he may well bring more eyes onto a big event than anybody else.
Like many other successful people, Ryan has felt the squeeze of high state taxes issued in New York. Consequently, it’s a bigger hassle for him to fly across the country to compete for $15-20,000 than it is to stay, train and make another set of bestselling instructional videos. If they are to entice him to draw in the spectators, they need to provide the necessary respect “The King” deserves.
He understands though, that respect is a two-way street. He applauds BJJ fanatics founders Mike Zenga and Bernardo Faria for their honesty and openness in conducting business. Although the sport has moved from stale high school sports halls to arenas, in part due to great broadcasters such as Flow Sports increasing the number of spectators, the Jiu Jitsu community is a relatively small and tight knit one. There is a small amount of money being fought over between competitors and organizations. If Gordon can develop a relationship with someone who isn’t mean spirited or self-centred, he can be happy.
There have been various setbacks with the new gym setup in Puerto Rico and Ryan will be contemplating his business decisions over time to come. Although he isn’t overly keen on developing a gear brand in an already overly saturated market, he is interested in learning the technical side of the marketing and the technology involved. Ultimately though, he is prepared to take risks - to be successful in BJJ or business – expect your arm to get broken in half and you still have to win.
Restaurant Review Sites
This was originally written for Fiverr client Foursquaregroup
Restaurant Review Sites
It goes without saying that almost all of us use the internet to check if a restaurant we’re thinking about visiting is actually worth eating in. We’ll pick up a smartphone and check out the reviews of a restaurant simply by throwing its name into a search engine, or we might look for cafes in the area, particularly if we’re travelling.
Maybe we want to find the best curry house in town, or we want a decent fry up to soak up a hangover, we’ll need to know the best greasy spoon in the area, in those cases, we are highly likely to use reviews to guide our decision. These review sites allow the average food muncher to pretend they’re a judge on Master Chef.
There are of course an upside and downside to these sites. People like using social proof to know if a service is worth their hard-earned coin, so much so that 92.4% of customers use business review sites to aid their decision-making process. This means that if you get good reviews, you should see more custom. The downside is that opinions are much like backsides. Everyone has one. A single negative review can have way more than swathes of positive ones.
Either way, it’s best to know what the review sites are, how they work and what they charge.
Google Business
Google is the most used website in the world. So much so, that the name of the popular search engine has been a verb that almost all of us have used in daily conversation for well over a decade. Don’t know something? Google it. Need to know if a restaurant is any good? Google it. There are an estimated 5.8 billion Google searches conducted every day.
Google Business is another way that Google monetizes its dominance as the search engine.
Whilst other review sites might appear on the first page of results and require you to click into the page to see the details, Google Business will show a restaurant, the address, phone number and Google user reviews are all available to see from the first search of a restaurant’s name.
The main pros of Google are its ease of use and the coverage it provides. Whilst other websites, such as Trip Advisor and Yell still have to employ whole teams of search engine optimization (SEO) specialists to get their pages up the rankings, the reviews entered by Google users will appear straight away upon conducting the search.
The cons of Google that unless someone directly googles the name of your restaurant, you may need your own SEO expert, website or marketing team to get high in the rankings. You might also struggle if the name of your establishment has a common name. If you’ve got an Irish bistro pub and your surname happens to be Smyth or O’Reilly, anyone looking to see if you’re good enough might end up a little confused. On the off-chance that someone uses a less popular search engine, such as Bing or Yahoo, they may be less likely to see the Google reviews.
Google My Business is free for the standard listing, whilst local listings are $10 a month and premier listings are $75 per month. The local and premier listings should mean that should a Google user enter search terms which might apply to your listing, you are more likely to appear before other non-paying businesses. Local users may also encounter ads as they are browsing the web which pertains to your restaurant.
It’s very easy to set up a Google account and a listing for a business can be completed within a few minutes. This listing will allow you to receive and respond to the reviews customers leave so that you can show that you are both active and customer-focused. A Google listing gives your customers a super easy option of placing an order.
The drawback of a Google account is something which pertains to pretty much any review site – you’ll need to make sure the information is accurate and kept up-to-date.
Yelp
Founded by two former PayPal employees, Yelp has been around since the early days of mainstream internet use and has over 178 million unique visitors per month worldwide. According to one study, 49% of the reviews on-site pertain to restaurants. Another US study suggests that Yelp is so influential that for every one Yelp star, a business can see an increase of 9% in revenue.
After Google results, Yelp is one of the first sites which pop up and will pop up first for the 11% of people who don’t use Google as their search engine.
To add your site to Yelp, it is recommended to do the following:
1. Search for your business to make sure it's not already listed
2. If your business is not yet listed, click Add your business to Yelp
3. Enter your business information in the provided fields
4. Click Add business
This is free to do but has optional paid advertising, that provides you with an enhanced profile. This can have a higher cost-per-acquisition compared to other PPC advertising such as Google or Facebook.
Yelp has various pros and cons. The vast majority of people trust the reviews on the site and its large online presence means that it has great exposure and a high ranking on Google.
On the other hand, various studies have shown that Yelp has a significantly high amount of false reviews (estimated between 15-20%). This has led to Yelp using a review filter system to remove the fake reviews. The downside of this is that it can also filter out positive reviews. Annoyingly, even if you haven’t claimed a Yelp listing, a business can be listed and you may receive reviews whether you wish to or not.
Another con is that Yelp can be quite pushy which has seen Yelp in various legal battles over the years. Accusations of extortion and aggressive advertising have been made against the website giant, along with suspicion about whether premium sites hide negative reviews has circulated.
Facebook
Facebook is still the most popular social media platform on the planet. It’s particularly used by older folks who have more disposable income for nice meals out. As with Google, Facebook users can review restaurants out of five stars and holds 19% of all customer reviews online, just behind Google, Yelp and Tripadvisor.
The main pro with Facebook is that you can build a page for your business, add directions, contact details, pictures, and menus and provide regular updates in order to boost engagement. Letting customers know of upcoming events and occasions on the platform can be one of the best ways to get bums on seats and stay on the radar of your locals. According to Hootsuite, 2 out of 3 Facebook users visit a local business at least once a week.
For your business to receive Facebook reviews, you will need to create a page for the business. Facebook’s directions are as follows.
1. From the Pages section, click Create New Page.
2. Add your Page name and category.
3. Add your Page's bio and click Create.
4. (Optional) Add information, such as contact, location and hours, and click Next.
5. (Optional) Add profile and cover photos, edit the action button and c; ick Next.
6. (Optional) Invite friends to connect with your Page, and click Next.
7. Click Done.
Facebook recommendations are public and one con is that they cannot be set to private, so if your cuisine is too niche, or not up to the standard customers are used to, this can do some reputation damage. However, on the upside, Facebook makes it quite easy for businesses to respond to both praise and criticism. The messaging service is a great two-way communication system to deal with queries and complaints directly.
Like Yelp and Google, having a business page is free, but in order to receive benefits beyond having an “organic presence”, you’ll need to spend money on Ads. Facebook ads are by some metrics the best-performing ones, as you can target specific demographics based on location, age, gender and interests. You can also generate business leads by using competitions and giveaways to gather email addresses and build marketing lists. Additionally, you can monitor and improve your reach by using data from Facebook Insights to see what content works and what changes can be implemented in the future.
Whilst it's a drawback that almost all of these review sites have, to make the most of the Facebook bonus, you’ll need to have staff with basic tech skills to monitor, update and respond on the platform. You may also want to have a budget to make the most of advertising options.
Trip Advisor
Another site that dates back to what some regard as the golden years of the internet, Trip Advisor is a travel site that offers comparison shopping, bookings of transportation, lodging, travel experiences and of course, restaurant reviews. Despite it being initially geared for those on holiday or doing some business jet-setting, Trip Advisor is, much like the other sites, often used by locals praising or admonishing services.
Trip Advisor makes some things easy to gage, like price
$ – fast food, self-service
$$ – casual, sit-down service
$$$ – more formal dining
$$$$ – most expensive, special occasion
Its great design is one of the reasons that the site has become so popular. Trip Advisor has become so popular that it has an eye-watering “390 million average monthly unique visitors” and whilst most of this traffic is in the US, it makes sense to ensure that your business is listed and performing well on the site.
As with Yelp, there may already be a listing for your business on Trip Advisor, but I you need to add a new Trip Advisor business listing, you’d need to follow the following steps:
1. Fill Out the Form
2. Enter Your Business Information
3. Enter Your Map Location
4. Add Your Contact Information
5. Provide Property Details
6. Describe Your Property
7. Add Your Profile Photo
8. Hit “Submit
As you may have guessed, it is free to place a listing on Trip Advisor, but premium listings cost a bit more.
One pro of Trip Advisor is that restaurant guests can update pictures of the décor, food and overall experience directly to the site and as they say, “a picture paints a thousand words”. This particularly benefits you if your food and furnishings are particularly photogenic.
The Rest
Whilst Google, Yelp, Trip Advisor and Facebook are the most dominant review sites there are a plethora of other, smaller platforms. OpenTable, Zomato (also known as Urbanspoon), Zagat and Gayot are all slightly more niche review sites, but if you are looking to get the most eyes on your restaurant without spending any money, it might be worth your while to have a listing on all of these sites. If you’re quick with a computer and comfortable with ctrl + c, you could feasibly repeat the information used on your Trip Advisor listing on these sites and create listings in the space of an afternoon. It’s also worth noting that in the day of the social media influencer, you may want to get on the radar of food bloggers, TikTokers and Instagrammers. This however may be another story, for another time.
In general, though, do your best to get your pages set up on the key four and regularly updated. Try and keep your descriptions neat and accurate and upload the best photos for the biggest impact.
The History of Muay Thai
This article was originally written for Fairtex Canada but was a Fiverr client. The article can be found here.
The History of Muay Thai
Muay Thai is famed for being one of the most dangerous competitive contact sports in the world. Like almost all martial arts, it has a rich and colourful history.
The earliest physical evidence of boxing in Thailand dates back to the 13th century. The first Thai army was founded in 1238 to protect the government and the residents of the northern city of Sukhothai. Soldiers trained in hand-to-hand combat, using weapons and the body as a weapon. Modern day Muay Thai and Krabi Krabong developed from this training, but due to ancient records describing the art’s origins becoming destroyed by the Burmese, it is difficult to pinpoint the exact moment Muay Thai was first practiced.
Various styles of kickboxing have been practiced throughout mainland Southeast Asia for centuries. The majority of these eastern fighting styles, are believed to have originated from tribes migrating south from China into the modern countries of Vietnam, Laos, Myanmar and Cambodia. It is likely they needed to fight for survival and gain the land they wished to occupy.
Muay Boran and the Chupasart Muay Boran, a broad term used to describe the pre-cursor to sport Muay Thai was most likely a peace-time art practiced by soldiers of King Narusean, ruler of the Siam Kingdom and developed for the defence of the country. A manual known as the “Chupasart” was believed to have been written to detail the basis of Muay Boran.
The manual emphasized the use of different parts of the body, as if they were the weapons used by the warriors in battle.
• The hands were akin to the dagger and sword
• The legs and knees were much like the staff and axe
• The elbows replaced a mace and hammer to inflict blows on foes
• The shins and forearms acted as armour to defend against blows
During Narusean’s reign, interest in Muay Thai as a sport first occurred. Records from this period show the use of “powder-coated cotton thread” wrapped around boxer’s hands, additionally the mongkhon head-dress and Prajad arm bands were worn by the fighters. This showed a move away from the Chupasart manual and made room for the art to have a sport and recreational use. The first documented display was recorded in 1687 by French diplomat Simon de la Loubère, sent by King Louis XIV for him to write A New Historical Relation of the Kingdom of Siam (Du Rouyame de Siam).
Prachao Sao
After Narusean’s death, King Sanphet VIII, nicknamed Prachao Sao, or “Tiger King” reigned from 1697 to 1709. His love for Muay Thai was so great that he was rumoured to disguise himself to compete in village contests against local champions. This was a time of peace, Prachao Sao ordered his soldiers to train in Muay Thai in order to stay occupied and ready. This is when the sport became the national pastime of the country and became associated with betting, foreshadowing the present state of the sport.
Nai Khanom Tom
During the 1767 invasion of Thailand, Burmese troops captured a resident by the name of Nai Khanom Tom from the ancient capital of Ayutthaya. Seven years later, royal presentations of hand-to-hand combat took place between Burmese and Thai boxers and Khanom Tom was granted the opportunity to fight for his freedom by the King of Burma. On his first day, Nai drew attention of the crowd with a captivating dance known as the Wai Kru, a gesture of thanks to the fighter’s teacher. The Thai fighter attacked his opponent with elbows to the chest to defeat him. The match was then declared unfair, with the referee claiming that the pre-fight dance utilized “black magic” and caused his opponent to be distracted. The Burmese king, Hsinbyushin then forced the Thai boxer to fight another nine Burmese men, who the Thai warrior handily defeated utilizing all eight of his limbs to do so. Fast punches combined with powerful kicks, knees, slicing elbows and throws were used to throw his opponents off-guard, completely outclassing them with unparalleled skills.
Hsinyushin declared that “every part of the Siamese is blessed with venom”, an expression that has been connected to Muay Thai ever since.
Khanom Tom was granted his freedom and a choice between money and two Burmese wives. Reasoning that money could be made easier, he chose the beautiful wives, whom he took back to Thailand, where he lived as a teacher of the art. To remember him, Nai Khanom Tom Day is celebrated on the 17th March every year, meaning that “National Muay Thai Day” and St. Patrick’s Day fall on the same day, thereby confusing Irish Nak Muays worldwide!
Modernization
King Rama V, or King Chulalongkorn was hugely passionate about the importance of Muay Thai and worked hard to develop it nationally for both self-defence and recreational purposes. During this period, Muay Thai schools and centres throughout Thailand began to appear. Many of these camps were given the last name of their teachers as a source of honour and fighters would adopt this name as their own, a tradition that still exists today. He encouraged the holding of tournaments all over the country and the winners were from time-to-time made bodyguards to the king. Around 1910 he formally organized Muay Boran by holding fights at the funeral of his son and celebrating the victors.
In 1913, The Suan Kulap College in Siam added British boxing to their curriculum, in what was the first recorded reference of the term “Muay Thai”. In the years that followed, Muay Thai began to spread globally. During World War One, when Thai fighters were stationed in France and other parts of Europe, where they would have Muay Thai fights to raise morale. French pugilists would often spar with their Thai comrades and soldiers would teach other skills from their own arts.
In 1921, two years after the end of the war, Suan Kulap college erected their first permanent boxing ring. This ring was used for both Muay Thai and Queensbury rules boxing, which was added to the school’s curriculum.
In 1923, the Suan Sanuk Stadium was built. This international stadium was the largest Muay Thai stadium to be built for the time and held both Muay Thai and Queensbury rules boxing bouts. This was a move away from traditional courtyard fights.
During this period and the reign of Rama VII, or King Prajadhipok that Muay Thai began to become more modernized. In 1926, Kru Chua Chaksurak was teaching a demonstration in Sydney, Australia and was forced to wear gloves for legal reasons. He returned to Thailand and acted as a strong advocate for adopting gloves. As a result of his advocacy, rules began to become standardized. Much like Queensbury rules, time limits and rounds were added.
Much of the new ruleset was centred around enhancing safety and protection from the hard-hitting blows. Along with the gloves, fighters would wear groin guards. The old hemp khat chueak (hemp rope bindings) that hardened their hands and made them dangerous were discarded. Referees would also look to ensure fighters were safe
In 1928, Chia Khaek Khamen died whilst fighting in Bangkok, prompting King Rama to pass a gloves only law. Although this decree largely only affected fights in the city, these tighter regulations would allow Thai boxing to be organized and managed better, thereby increasing its appeal to an international market.
In 1927, the gambling act permitted gambling for boxing and other combat sports. Gambling is generally illegal in Thailand, but its legality only caused to increase interest in Muay Thai. Fighters wages are typically fairly low, so big bets allow them to bring home more cash. The downside of gambling is that it is known to cause more corruption amongst judges, potentially making them rule unfairly.
In the decades that followed, more and more stadiums were erected including Rajademnern Stadium, opened in 1945 and the legendary Lumpinee Stadium, opened in 1956. Both stadiums would adopt the formal Muay Thai rules set by the Education Department in 1937. They specified dress: boxing shorts, gloves, groin guards and the traditional mongkon, along with time limits for rounds. There would be five three minute rounds per match, with a two minute rest in between. Previously, rounds had been timed with holes drilled into coconut shells, being left in tanks of water. When the shells sank, the rounds were over. Admission fees in stadiums were often used to fund the Thai military, a practice which remains today.
The 60s and the Birth of Kickboxing
In the late 50s and early 60s, Thai boxers began to have matches against Japanese karate experts. In 1964, three Kyokushin karatekas travelled to Thailand to take on Nak Muays. Although two of the karatekas bested their opponents, Kenji Kurosaki, an influential kyokushin practitioner was knocked out with an elbow. Kurosaki would study some of the Thai techniques and left Japan for the Netherlands, where he opened up the legendary Mejiro gym in Amsterdam.
This was around a year after a fight between Thai boxer, Samarn Sor Adison who had beat his Japanese opponent, Tadashi Sawamura in Tokyo in 1963. Just as Kurosaki did after him, Tadashi chose to learn some of the Thai techniques including kicks, knees and elbows. This led to Sawarmura becoming a star in the growing sport of Japanese kickboxing, which had been born out of the early Muay Thai vs Karate bouts. Kicboxing though, was a sport that many Thais held a bitterness towards, feeling that the Japanese had “stolen” their sport. This animosity was only exacerbated by Japanese promoters holding many fixed fights which had pre-arranged outcomes with Thais losing, or pitting Nak Muays against much heavier Japanese fighters.
Despite this tension between the sports, Muay Thai’s popularity would continue to grow both internationally and within Thailand. For much of the sixties, Apidej Sit-Hirun would dominate rings across the country. Sit-Hirun was a welterweight dynamo famed for kicks so powerful that they could break arms. His success would help to inspire what many consider the golden age of Muay Thai.
The Golden Age of Muay Thai
International interest in Eastern martial arts began to grow in the 70s as a result of Bruce Lee’s popularity and the Hong Kong produced kung fu films, meaning more and more audiences were exposed to Muay Thai and other arts. This broadened interest, coupled with Sit-Hirun’s success led to the so-called “Golden Age” of the sport. Lasting roughly from the early 80s, to the late 90s, this era would produce many of the legends of the sport. Highly skilled and highly charismatic fighters like arguably the greatest Nak Muay of all time, Samart Payakaroon and Dieselnoi, a fighter famed for his ferocious knees would draw fans from all over the country. National stadiums were jammed full, ready to gamble and be thrilled by these incredible fighters. Huge purses of up to 200,000 baht being fought for. It brings us roughly to where whe are today.
Present Day and Future Muay Thai
Between the growth of MMA organizations like the UFC and the hugely popular action films starring Tony Jaa such as ‘Ong Bak’, Muay Thai has exploded in popularity. Muay Thai was seen as one of, if not the most effective striking sport and fighters such as Anderson Siva and Mauricio Shogun Rua displayed the sheer efficiency the art has in combat. Additionally, the internet has had a big part to play in this growth, as fans can follow their favourite boxers around the world, live-stream events and even study techniques through tutorial videos.
It is highly likely that the sport will continue to grow, with more organizations promoting fights, some even returning to roped-hands or 4 oz MMA style gloves instead of the larger more Queensbury rules gloves.
Meanwhile in 2016, the Olympic committee granted provisional recognition to Muay Thai. This means that the sport can apply to become part of the Olympic Games after three years of receiving an annual monetary fund of $25,000. Who knows? There is a chance that we may see Muay Thai become an Olympic sport in the future!
Cocktail Garnishes
This was originally written for a Fiverr buyer. I have been unable to locate where!
Cocktail Garnishes
Cocktails are sometimes seen as the fine dining of the alcoholic world. Just like a beautiful meal from a fancy restaurant, dressed with delicious sauces and herbs that we eat with our eyes, if a cocktail looks gorgeous, it’s going to enhance our drinking experience. Unfortunately, sometimes a busy bar doesn’t have the time to dress a drink with rose petals and apples cut into the shape of fans. Additionally, these things can also eat into the gross profit of the bar too! Fortunately, there is an answer for this time and money issue: dehydrated fruit garnishes.
They are typically made from citrus fruit wheels, slices of berries but apricot or pineapples can also be used. Even dehydrated chilis are making their way into drinks to give the spice lovers some heat! These zesty treats add texture, colour, scent and even flavour to drinks, whether they are more elaborate cocktails, or simple gin and tonics. By putting the fruit through the dehydration process, the flavours become more concentrated as the water evaporates.
These garnishes last for weeks and typically use the whole fruit, reducing the waste that a bar might have to get rid of at the end of the night with unused fresh fruit slices or dead flowers. This dehydration saves the bar from having to keep its own compost heap out back and makes cleaning the bar a little bit easier – fragments of rotting fruit don’t need to be kept around anywhere!
This is all true for the drinker at home too. Having dehydrated garnishes delivered to your door saves you from having to clean knives, chopping boards and surfaces – all things which can be a little bit irritating to do during a relaxing night of home drinking and potentially even more irritating during the morning after!
What makes these dehydrated garnishes extra special is that they can be seasoned with herbs or spices to make pairing them with drinks even better. Basil, oregano, cumin, chili powder, turmeric and cinnamon can really bring out some flavour profiles you may not have considered. Cinnamon-orange wheels really add a dimension to margaritas and other tequila-based drinks you might not have considered, whilst dehydrated grapefruit topped with a touch of cumin can bring a new lease of life to classics such as daiquiris, cosmopolitans and even the humble vodka-soda.
Ultimately, for a bar, these garnishes are super handy, dehydrated garnishes are an inexpensive way to enhance a guest’s experience, whilst for the home user, a neat way to experiment without creating a kitchen-based logistical headache!
Saturday, June 25, 2022
Ration Week Challenge (trigger warning: crude humour)
Ration Week Challenge (trigger warning: crude humour)
I’ve got a little bit of a habit of taking on dumb
challenges. These usually involve
restricting one’s diet, or daily habits.
Unfortunately, for the most part I fail horribly at these challenges.
In 2016, I took on the Sober October challenge, where the challengers
have to give up drinking for a month to raise money for Macmillan Cancer
charity, but I upped the ante. If I
raised £50, I’d also give up chocolate, £100, I’d give up meat, £150 go full vegan,
£200, I’d also throw in.. masturbation. I
started it only weeks into living in London and had no idea how hard going
vegan was. Even the larger Sainsbury’s
in North London didn’t have any vegan ready meals, their “free from” line
typically had lactose powder or egg in some or another.
I lasted about 3 weeks in and was purchased a “Golden Ticket”,
this meant a night off the challenge, which I then took advantage of, indulging
in a lamb curry, a rake of beer and was relieved of my burdening balls. Not through a hand shandy, but well it’s
amazing how charming you can find yourself when your centre of gravity is
progressively lowered and you have a few beers in the hatch. After this point, I kept finding myself
purchasing tickets to enjoy a whole rake of forbidden fruits. Surprising the m-word was the last thing I
enjoyed in any respect.
Ration Week
This year, I took on Concern’s Ration Week Challenge, where
participants have to subsist on the same ration package that a Syrian refugee
has to live on. This meant the following:
·
1.5 kg of rice
·
80g of chickpeas
·
200g of red lentils
·
1 tin of kidney beans
·
1 tin of sardines
·
400g of flour
·
5 different spices
·
10 teabags
·
1 clove of garlic
To incentivize participants being pushier with their sponsorship
drive, certain rewards can be unlocked for hitting milestones of sponsorship
levels – a certain amount of protein, vegetables, a tin of tomatoes, milk, etc.
all come into the equation. Certain amounts
on certain days might give you a teaspoon of honey, or coffee. I wasn’t a big fan of this side of the
challenge. Whilst I’m glad that I raised
about £230 for a charity with relatively low admin/marketing/operational costs
declared, I think expecting people to donate more in the middle of a cost-of-living
crisis means that the rewards are for those with more affluent friends.
The Week Itself
As you can probably tell though, whether they earn the rewards
or not, someone who has an active lifestyle and is used to having a lot of fruit,
bread and meat in their diet is probably going to struggle. Perhaps as a consequence I cheated, multiple
times.
The ration packs are barely enough for those refugees who aren’t
constantly moving, as a result of being “kept” in camps or some substandard housing. Their energy requirements are fairly low and
they are somewhat likely to cook together in the shared accommodation. Other refugees would be likely to have it far
worse - having to do insanely dangerous journeys, crossing boarders, getting on
cramped boats and risking their lives facing off against the authorities and harsh
conditions. You only have to do a Google
or YouTube search to see how horrendous the conditions are. What these people may have may be even scarcer.
So in that respect, I felt pretty bad cheating. The week was designed to get an idea of how
rough it could be without the middle class first world privilege many of us
have and yet.. this skinny-fatboy dropped the ball multiple times.
If truth be told, I was unsure of how committed I’d be from
the get-go. Rather than start it on
Sunday morning, I started it from about 5.30 PM on the Saturday, with the
intention of ending it 8 PM the following Saturday. That meant I could load up on a massive
burrito bowl, beer and little cheese and ham crackers. Sunday came along and I mostly ate rice,
though blew my bean allowance that evening when I went to a local Tex Mex place
called Boojum, had a a bowl of rice and beans.
Eating food from restaurants, canteens and cafes was
allowed, if the meals contained only the ingredients you had from the rations. This meant, whilst the burrito bowl was a
slight stretch as I had a small amount of hot sauce on top, it was “legal”
within the “ruleset”. Same as the lentil
soup which I ate several days from the work canteen. Or at least, I think it was because I don’t
know what was in it despite lentils – possibly tomatoes, or onions and I hadn’t
“earned” my vegetable allowance because my friends have financial commitments
beyond boosting my ego on a frivolous dietary-based charity challenge.
So for Sunday through to about Wednesday morning, I ate
rice, lentil soup, more rice, rice and beans, the worst ever falafels ever made
from the 80g of chickpeas and a few bits of flatbread, by basically mixing flour
and water.
Wednesday morning came and I had what is referred to as a “head
fog”. Something that almost all
participants experience. Whether this
was from a calorie deficit, lower than usually expected caffeine level, or a
lack of nutrients is unclear, but I felt rough.
There was a guy on the Facebook group for the challenge who was encouraged
to pack it in as he had a physical job and had fainted on it. I myself had a bit of Street Theatre to work,
essentially storytelling facts about Belfast’s martime history. I dropped two lines. Hard.
Stared confused, like a rabbit in the headlights and had my fellow actor
pull me out of the quagmire I found myself in.
I did recover and after the first minute or so belted the rest of it out
strongly, but I was gutted of how bad that went. Drama within drama.
A free breakfast – sausage rolls, beautiful brioche bun
bacon butties, coffee and shortbread were on offer. I couldn’t refuse. I comfort ate and felt simultaneously worse
and better for doing so. I went back to
work and then in the evening, I went to a producers networking event. I stuffed myself with more free food.
Thursday and Friday morning meant free breakfast and milky coffee
in work. I wasn’t passing it down. After all, the rest of the day, I had rice to
subsist on. Or more lentil soup with no
bread. In fairness, I still managed to
train Muay Thai once on Thursday, then twice on Friday, but by then, my energy
levels had essentially been rejuvenated to having a calorie allowance somewhat closer
to my usual intake. Even though, the Friday
sparring session was a bit closer to boxing Eeyore, than Tigger.
Today (Saturday) I’ve cheated again. Starting the day with a mocha. I then ate rice, kidney beans and a pancake
made using the aquafaba of the kidney bean can, along with of course water, flour
and (cheating again) an egg. A teaspoon
of honey that I hadn’t “earned”, made it great.
I’ll probably not eat again until dinner tonight. This is largely because if I’m sticking
anywhere close the rules, all I have left to eat is rice and maybe a tiny
portion of lentils. Some participants have
“given” m their “allowance”, because they either didn’t like lentils, or eat
less in general. The idea is that refugees
share and some family members eat less than others as they do everywhere. Like I found with the vegan side of doing Sober
October, meal prep is a little bit boring and irritating, so if you’ve not done
a dry run of some of the dishes before the challenge began, you may not be
bothered or have the energy to make a mess of a kitchen during the challenge
itself. Consequently, you virtually end
up fasting a good portion of the time.
Or at least, you learn to stop unnecessarily snacking.
Roll on dinner tonight, although every good restaurant that
does “European” dishes appeared to be booked out and we’ve gone for a well-respected
Indian establishment. I love Indian food, but being that the main carb staple
is rice, I would have preferred somewhere with chips, spuds, or pasta on this
occasion. I’ll be so glad to see other
carbs, meat and SAUCE that if my mother wasn’t there, there’d be a real danger
of me using the peshwari naan as a fleshlight under the table. Almondy, coconut goodness for all.
Take Aways
I love food. It’s one
of my favourite things in the world, but as someone who knows they may need to
have a more “aesthetically pleasing” body – i.e. hint of an ab or two, I’ve
been aware that I may need to change my diet up, especially as I drift past my
mid 30s towards my middle aged years.
Additionally, if I ever want to get those bucket list MMA/Muay Thai fights,
I would ideally fight at a weight 10-15 kg less than my usual walking weight of
92-95 kg. Getting in the habit of diet
restriction in advance of that will be beneficial in knowing what to expect.
Having dabbled with this, I will look to make more
vegetarian and vegan dishes. I typically
consume meat at an unhealthy amount, sometimes as much as 3-4 times a day, past
the point where the protein is beneficial and towards the point that it’s probably
clogging arteries and quickly turning into fat.
I may try ration week again, or look to experiment with food
a bit more. It was very impressive seeing
what people taking the challenge made with what little ingredients they
had. There are some real MacGuyver home-chefs
out there. If I do try it again, I may give
myself the full rewards from the start, rather than trying to stick to the “sponsor
me” bonus system Concern try to push. This
might make me a bit more compliant overall.
Even if I can justify “Refugees probably wouldn’t turn down free food”, it
is still slightly defeating of whatever purpose I can instil upon the
challenge. Ultimately though, to quote a
one-time Family Guy character, “I play by nobody’s rules by my own, and
sometimes not even those.”
Lastly, despite the guilt of failing/cheating, I am obviously
have a slightly larger glimpse of what it is like for those who have only
limited amounts of food. Whilst short of
the war in Ukraine turning into WWIII, full blown climate change, or the
apparently maniacal oligarchs pushing late-stage capitalism onto all of us
several levels worse than they already are, I am unlikely in my lifetime to experience
hunger, or starvation to the extent that refugees do, or even some of the
poorest in our society. Whilst the “check
your privilege” trend which emerged in online discussion a few years ago was
often irritating and cringe-inducing to even those of us whose political opinions
are largely on the left, I have another moment where I must accept with gratitude
the privilege which I have. This might
mean I aim to give a little bit more towards those that I think need it most,
or I’ll feel more justified in my constant shitting on the established elite. I just hope it doesn’t make me any more
insufferable than I likely already am.
Thursday, February 24, 2022
The I'm back on Facebook again post, 24 02 2022
FINALLY BIG NASTY HAS RETURNED TO..
Ahh, I would love to say "I'm over Facebook.." that I don't check it every day or have it open as a tab open almost as soon as I open a computer. Or that I don't check the app every time I see a glimmer of a notification, often one which I have already seen, but just didn't click the right box for the notification to be removed. All of these would be lies, however.
Despite this, being Zucc'd does do me some favours. I definitely reduce my contact time with the platform, argue with people less and reduce the risk of damaging what slim hope I have of a successful career.. in almost any field.
Which is something that I wonder if I'm worried about from time to time. Given that we appear to be out of the COVID frying pan, into the fires of a potential WWIII, something I doubt will happen, but makes us all uncomfortable enough as we already deal with rising inflation, lack of rising wages, fuel costs, housing market nightmares and all that other late-stage capitalism, wealthy getting wealthier, poor getting poorer foulness we keep seeing.
As a shadowy cabal of ex-KGB hypercapitalist-cult-of-personality-fiends start rubbing up the old-imperialist-corporation-driven-industrial-military-complex West the wrong way over another country which seems inextricably forced to be that unfortunate piggy in the middle, who knows what to expect. I could sit and watch another bunch of lectures on why NATO shouldn't have been there, what these Neo Nazi Russian resistance movements were paid to do by the CIA (just like the Cold War days) how the US built Putin, or even *Shudder* that Peter Hitchins tripe my "I'm at most center-right" pal wants me to watch ontop of the thousands of hours of JBP nonsense he is insistent on. My head would be pickled. Besides that, even if I can criticize our capitalist overlords for days, at least they tend to give is a semblance of freedom of press and speech, whilst allowing LGBT+ groups to exist relatively unscathed. I'll stick with "the better the devil you know" option if I have to pick a winner.
Who knows, maybe it'll come and go.. like Crimea part 2. Horrible for civilians who end up being collateral damage, but to the rest of us just human sacrifice-statistics that we're so used to going "well, that's horrible but life goes on.." about. It's not good, but let's face it - that is how human beings appear to be. These things aren't a serious problem until they are literally on our doorstep. Our minds are probably built in a way to protect them from the countless horrors committed by the human race itself, particularly in the information age that we are bombarded with this stuff until we are desensitized beyond belief.
Really hoping China doesn't get any Taiwan ideas..
I just wish we could have things sorted out the old-fashioned way, with Putin pretending he's not a coward by stepping up to fight the Mayor of Kiev in a one-on-one no holds barred slugfest. If Putin comes to Ireland, I will chase him around a field with a lump of dogshite at the end of a golf club. I have two copies of the EA Games Classic, Freedom Fighters and I have beat the game on the hardest setting on numerous occasions.. even if I would fail the missions countless times before getting to the next level.
Though according to other reports, one of the towns just about safe from a nuclear attack on London is Winchester.. so maybe we should go there till it all blows over..
In my own news, I'm still tinkering away at the corporate day job, the multitude of side jobs, maybe making a few short films this year, maybe acting in the bigger projects of other people. It's cold and it'd be nice if these storms could chill out for a bit so I can walk up a hill or something, get a bit more vitamin D to shake the glumness of a failed relationship that never was, but I'll still get to training just enough to counteract the dirty Tim Horton breakfasts which follow them or reduce the fat saturation a good night on the homemade Old Fashioneds seems to encourage.
That'll do with the pretentious dribble for now. I've probably said something that will give the aul algorithm something to put me in the dunces corner for another month so I can reconsider my choice of vocabulary. If not, it's probably about time I set up a sweepstakes, everyone throws in a pound and names the day I get my next Zuccing. Winner gets the lot.